DOWNLOADING GOD

Dearest Koochi,
Referring you by this nick name propels me in to a fantasy world where the two hearts were in perfect synchronization and used to beat in rhythm. Where is that world? It’s been five months that you have been away from me along with my most precious daughters and I am surviving each day like a dream- a bad dream , waiting for it get over.
You cheated on me: you were seeking spiritual guidance from the enlightened souls like Yogananda Paramhansa, Sri Aurobindo, and Lord Buddha himself. You used to meditate and seek silent peace and harmony in your corner in front of your almirah while I used to play loud music and struggled with futile desires of collection of music and stupid movies, never once you tried initiating me in to your mystic world of serenity and spirituality. You even went to satsangs and yogoda and I used to criticize you and mummy for adopting such paths which I felt were meant for the weaker beings.
But and not a just a simple BUT, in fact what can be called as a POWER OF TIME and Destiny’s footfalls I had to come to HIS HOUSE , to kneel in front of HIM , to seek his approval---- to know the answers I had to download GOD and since last two months or so my quest for his grace lead me utilize my old buddy , my computer to aid me in finding the answers.
Somehow and somewhat foolishly but yet with profound humility I feel indebted to destiny for creating such an environment for me where all the variables and all this shock of unbearable pain of separation from my loved ones lead me to this sacred path finally.
First thing that I realized was that my approach was mammothly wrong when kutum left us, that feeling of a void would have been similar for you as I feel all these days and my approach was to make you come out of that sadness by immersing yourself in this mayajaal, but when it came over me I instantly realized that the approach was wrong and this cosmic illusion , all this worldly wisdom and scenic beauties and all the mortal pleasures all together can’t even give you even a seconds comfort and solace and all that want is to go back in time and undo the things which separated you from your loved ones. That’s what the true treasure of our lives is and that’s where the real happiness lies, that is in the hearts of your loved ones and the ordinary day infused with their presence and voices.
The first book that I picked up was the Autobiography of a Yogi. Then the stage was set and I read Man’s Eternal Quest and then Divine Romance and then Journey to Self Realization and then many others I made friends with. Then I picked up the book written by MOTHER –Question and Answers. I looked in your corner and found several of your favorite books stacked and tried finding answers in them. Then I searched the whole house for the books which you bought and found the POWER OF THOUGHT, Awaken the MIND and the Synthesis of yoga by Sri Aurobindo.
Well my quest for the answers will continue and my journey to self realization is well begun and it gives me a lot of peace and strength to wait patiently for my loved ones to come back and sooth my aching heart.