Wednesday, December 30, 2009
happy new year muku mouli bulli and all
hi bulli this is mail written to dada bhai in the hope that it would rach you so that i cut my feelings across.i am not comfortable here in delhi without my family and slowly i am disssolving inside. i want to do waht any father wants to do for his children and i will pay for all there expenses and i will ask my advocate to convey this to you advocate on the next hearing, i believe he had conveyed that i wanted to give 15,ooo rs per month and you know that all my insurance savings are also for my children and you and i will give it in written.
please speak with me and please allow me to speak with my kids , i am begging you.
Hi dada bhai,
End of the year, but no endings of sorrow in our house where the people from whom the happiness got its definition are not there.
I cant even talk to my family even to wish them new year’s greetings, I hope you will convey to bulli that I am really missing her and my kids. Bulli must know that I am willing to take full responsibility of children and all their needs should be fulfilled. Please tell her to talk to me and please allow the kids to at least talk to me so that their voice could replenish my dying inner self.
All this situation is becoming so complex, these court proceedings, filing of affidavits and objections and so on, I am just missing my time with my family, plain and simply I am just dragging my soul all alone here in delhi hoping for reuniting with them.
Please ask bulli to at least make me speak with kids so that I could wish them a akk the happiness in the coming year.
That swine flu patient, 15 year old boy, recovered and was discharged from the hospital yesterday, in the process of his management even I got affected by the h1n1 virus but unfortunately I recovered simply by the tamiuflu tablets although I was hoping that god would relieve finally. Irony of the situation that my name was recommended to the health minister for the exemplary services as I stayed on for that child, till late in hospital when most of the doctors were scared to even visit the ward. His parents thanked me for returning their jewel back BUT who will know what propelled me to take that decision of 24X7 duty in swine flu ward , anyways that child is back with his family and I am happy for him and I wil do the same for any other patient but I am missing my family too much and want bulli to realize this and I am also
Willing to take full financial responsibility of their upbringing, but how to put it across her when I am not even allowed to speak to her. I want to do so many things for them but HOW? How should I let bulli know that I am living for them only and how to get my feelings across her? I just want to speak to my babies, please please please tell her to at least give them the phone for just 5 minutes , I just want to hear their voices. I am not going to harm them by speaking to them and I promise I wont even make them feel uncomfortable in ways and take care that they don’t get disturbed emotionally, I know my children they must be missing them and I know bulli also , she also must be missing me but just tell her that It is very difficult to live on like this when all the time you are thinking of your family and cant even speak to them.
Please god, please make my feelings reach her heart and please have mercy,
Happiness of the new year will be awaited in this house and in my heart.
Happy new Year to all
Sunday, December 27, 2009
hi dada bhai
Hi dada bhai,
After a long time barnali wrote a mail and I opened it with so much anticipation, just like a small child opening his birthday present.
It is fully justified, the anger and frustration, which barnali must be harbouring and had I been in her position I would have probably reacted in a similar way but the big issue is that besides me no other soul would ever come to know or even realize that whatever happened was such a complex issue that even I, while trying to retrospect find it very puzzling as to the way I was handling that situation.
Barnali had asked me a question as to what will I do with all my money? In her shoes I would have asked even a better question – why am I still living and why do get I up every morning?
Giving a lot of consideration to the above issues I have decided to drag along with my miserable life with the hope that one day I will get to hold my family back and that’s what is keeping me alive.
“Drug abusing pseudo mothers” imagine what kind of hellish situation I would have been undergoing handling that complex issue. Just imagine, would any sane person be enjoying in that situation. It was such a nightmare and with my idealistic philosophy, and gripped in fear, wanted to soothe out the things and putting the simple facts in order that family comes first and that the child needs his parents more than anything else and see where does it led me to –not being able to even speak to my own kids for nearly 6 months.
“My abnormal lifestyle” that bulli wants to shield my children from. Muku and mouli are my life’s rhythm if their mother feels this about their dad then God should not allow me to even see the next daylight.
Please convey to her that all that I have apparently amassed is all hers and for my children and all that I am living for is for my family only. Even before she embarked on legal journey I had asked her to tell me where I should send the cheques and the next thing I received was the legal notice with the interim order barring me from all forms of communication.
So far I have been to Bangalore five time and spent 1.25 lakh rupees which could have been used for the kids and the family. Desperately I tried for mediation but failed. All that I have wanted to tell her was to give me my life back by taking back what she left behind at delhi that is her stupid husband.
Legal proceeding are on and the advocates are doing their job of protecting their client’s interests but what about the interests of a broken family and weeping hearts and a father’s craving for seeing his children and a husband’s soul which is ever trying to reconnect with his soul mate. Can any court decide about all these issues. Can the advocates compensate for that time I have not seen my kids. Impatience is a very inferior word that bulli used to project my feelings – its like burning in hell, not to be around your family for some silly cause which isn’t even there and to go to a place 1700 km away where my family is staying and to stand on the streets and bus-stands and wish for instant release d from the miseries. More than a nightmare to see bulli and baba just feets away and not even talk to them.
Bulli says that she is following the court’s proceedings to assess my mindset. For what ? , all this assessment for what? it is like asking water whether it wishes to quench the thirst or not ? My whole life is for my family.
Sand castle which bulli built , she says that waves took them away but the little home that I was building, I am just trying to hold on to its foundations and strengthening them with my prayers and tears. My intentions and mindset can never be assessed in the court as it is legal front and the domain of advocates.
Absurd to think that as father I don’t want to provide for my children . what am I living for and for whom I am earning, not to collect money for some fancy parties or frolicking with pseudo people. I have repeatedly pledged that she can take it from in writing that will give to her my entire salary for my entire life.
There is no gang of i.v dug abusing pseudo-mothers and I simply go to that hospital and come back to a house to be haunted by the emptiness and stay wide awake talking to photos of muku , mouli and barnali and keep arranging their stuff and put a pillow on the bulli’s side of the bed and just pray to god to please let me be with family at least in the dreams and very often I get up shaken , realizing that it was only a dream where I was sipping tea with bulli or playing with my angels, then I sit in front of her almirah where I have kept a chair covered by her shawl and made a meditation seat and just try to communicate with her in the middle of the night. I have started to do meditation in her corner and it really gives me strength to hold on. I keep writing on the blog and keep talking to them in my thoughts. I think bulli is right my lifestyle is surely absurd. Today I have taken out muku and mouli’s woolen caps and I keep wearing them one by one and strangely it brings a lot of comfort.
Well dada bhai, I would like you to help me professionally as a strategic planner and a management guru.
Rather than the court deciding about the amount of money I should give to bulli in order to prove my intentions as a caring father and caring husband I would like you to assess the financial situation and decide it. Rather than wasting the money in my futile trips to Bangalore I would like that hard earned money to be utilized for the children. My whole existence has become a burden on self and if I don’t get the feeling that I am doing something for my family I am certain that I will fall ill very soon and slowly wither away, already signs of my decreasing immunity to common ailments have become manifest and unless my share for my family reaches them i am soon going to lose even the will to survive and strive for my daily bread.
In the next hearing my advocate is going to file objections to the buli’s advocate’s memo and the things will run their own course but it just doesn’t make any sense to me all this court room fiasco . things have to be decided between me and bulli and I want to take full responsibility of my children to the best of my abilities, and if bulli also wants it to be so than why all this legal tussle.
Here are certain hard facts on which you could develop the plan .
My gross salary is 55,000 Rs per month
The in-hand salary after the tax deduction at source after the maximum allowed savings of one lakh 10 thousand Rs per year, is about 47,000 Rs per month
Which means I have to save about 11,000 Rs per month which goes in insurance and ppf of which bulli is the nominee
That leaves around 36,000 Rs per month
For the monthly basic expenditure for the house which includes the bill for telephone, internet, newspaper, electricity, water, chowkidar, car petrol, milkman, maid etc ( bare minimum just to survive in the most ordinary way is approximately 12 to 13,000 Rs
That leaves me with 23,000 Rs.
Out of this you decide how should I I take out the money to sponsor my Bangalore trips and the advocates fees and the maintenance money.
my each trip to bangalore costs a minimum of 14,000 Rs
I can pay 12,000 Rs to bulli every month which leaves me with 11,000 Rs and that too I would be saving for the children only or utilize for my trips to Bangalore.
As for bulli’s knowledge , I am not having any other souces of income as was mentioned in the affidavit, I have a savings bank account in bank of baroda where my salary is deposited by ECS and about 3 years back when there was a lot of craze in the market I bought 3 mutual funds for the first time in my life worth 30,000 RS which are blocked for 3 years. My after the duty hour cases have also dwindled away in the last 3-4 months partly because I am not too keen in making such an effort when the people for whom I was doing all that are not even there to talk to me and partly for the reason that it involves too much of concentration in the high risk field like anesthesia and with my current state of mind I had certain very narrow escapes and simply I don’t want to continue with that type of risky lifestyle. So whatever I have is very clearly in front of you and cant overemphasize on the point that my commitment for my family, my little angels stands firm till my last breath and to the best of my abilities and it’s up to bulli to decide what she wants to do with me.
Please ask bulli to pray to lord to bring an end to my sufferings coz its not possible for me to stop thinking about my kids or stop thinking about reuniting with her at this time and all time to come in the rest of my life. Neither can I opt for the easy way for that is not my philosophy so I will keep on praying to almighty to take care of my family and keep them in good health and cheers for all time to come and please allow me to contribute my share in the upbringing of my children to the best of abilities.
My little angels – I really love you and when you grow up you might realize that your dad was actually not such a bad guy after all and there was no need for anyone to have shielded you from my so called absurd lifestyle.
God bless you all.
After a long time barnali wrote a mail and I opened it with so much anticipation, just like a small child opening his birthday present.
It is fully justified, the anger and frustration, which barnali must be harbouring and had I been in her position I would have probably reacted in a similar way but the big issue is that besides me no other soul would ever come to know or even realize that whatever happened was such a complex issue that even I, while trying to retrospect find it very puzzling as to the way I was handling that situation.
Barnali had asked me a question as to what will I do with all my money? In her shoes I would have asked even a better question – why am I still living and why do get I up every morning?
Giving a lot of consideration to the above issues I have decided to drag along with my miserable life with the hope that one day I will get to hold my family back and that’s what is keeping me alive.
“Drug abusing pseudo mothers” imagine what kind of hellish situation I would have been undergoing handling that complex issue. Just imagine, would any sane person be enjoying in that situation. It was such a nightmare and with my idealistic philosophy, and gripped in fear, wanted to soothe out the things and putting the simple facts in order that family comes first and that the child needs his parents more than anything else and see where does it led me to –not being able to even speak to my own kids for nearly 6 months.
“My abnormal lifestyle” that bulli wants to shield my children from. Muku and mouli are my life’s rhythm if their mother feels this about their dad then God should not allow me to even see the next daylight.
Please convey to her that all that I have apparently amassed is all hers and for my children and all that I am living for is for my family only. Even before she embarked on legal journey I had asked her to tell me where I should send the cheques and the next thing I received was the legal notice with the interim order barring me from all forms of communication.
So far I have been to Bangalore five time and spent 1.25 lakh rupees which could have been used for the kids and the family. Desperately I tried for mediation but failed. All that I have wanted to tell her was to give me my life back by taking back what she left behind at delhi that is her stupid husband.
Legal proceeding are on and the advocates are doing their job of protecting their client’s interests but what about the interests of a broken family and weeping hearts and a father’s craving for seeing his children and a husband’s soul which is ever trying to reconnect with his soul mate. Can any court decide about all these issues. Can the advocates compensate for that time I have not seen my kids. Impatience is a very inferior word that bulli used to project my feelings – its like burning in hell, not to be around your family for some silly cause which isn’t even there and to go to a place 1700 km away where my family is staying and to stand on the streets and bus-stands and wish for instant release d from the miseries. More than a nightmare to see bulli and baba just feets away and not even talk to them.
Bulli says that she is following the court’s proceedings to assess my mindset. For what ? , all this assessment for what? it is like asking water whether it wishes to quench the thirst or not ? My whole life is for my family.
Sand castle which bulli built , she says that waves took them away but the little home that I was building, I am just trying to hold on to its foundations and strengthening them with my prayers and tears. My intentions and mindset can never be assessed in the court as it is legal front and the domain of advocates.
Absurd to think that as father I don’t want to provide for my children . what am I living for and for whom I am earning, not to collect money for some fancy parties or frolicking with pseudo people. I have repeatedly pledged that she can take it from in writing that will give to her my entire salary for my entire life.
There is no gang of i.v dug abusing pseudo-mothers and I simply go to that hospital and come back to a house to be haunted by the emptiness and stay wide awake talking to photos of muku , mouli and barnali and keep arranging their stuff and put a pillow on the bulli’s side of the bed and just pray to god to please let me be with family at least in the dreams and very often I get up shaken , realizing that it was only a dream where I was sipping tea with bulli or playing with my angels, then I sit in front of her almirah where I have kept a chair covered by her shawl and made a meditation seat and just try to communicate with her in the middle of the night. I have started to do meditation in her corner and it really gives me strength to hold on. I keep writing on the blog and keep talking to them in my thoughts. I think bulli is right my lifestyle is surely absurd. Today I have taken out muku and mouli’s woolen caps and I keep wearing them one by one and strangely it brings a lot of comfort.
Well dada bhai, I would like you to help me professionally as a strategic planner and a management guru.
Rather than the court deciding about the amount of money I should give to bulli in order to prove my intentions as a caring father and caring husband I would like you to assess the financial situation and decide it. Rather than wasting the money in my futile trips to Bangalore I would like that hard earned money to be utilized for the children. My whole existence has become a burden on self and if I don’t get the feeling that I am doing something for my family I am certain that I will fall ill very soon and slowly wither away, already signs of my decreasing immunity to common ailments have become manifest and unless my share for my family reaches them i am soon going to lose even the will to survive and strive for my daily bread.
In the next hearing my advocate is going to file objections to the buli’s advocate’s memo and the things will run their own course but it just doesn’t make any sense to me all this court room fiasco . things have to be decided between me and bulli and I want to take full responsibility of my children to the best of my abilities, and if bulli also wants it to be so than why all this legal tussle.
Here are certain hard facts on which you could develop the plan .
My gross salary is 55,000 Rs per month
The in-hand salary after the tax deduction at source after the maximum allowed savings of one lakh 10 thousand Rs per year, is about 47,000 Rs per month
Which means I have to save about 11,000 Rs per month which goes in insurance and ppf of which bulli is the nominee
That leaves around 36,000 Rs per month
For the monthly basic expenditure for the house which includes the bill for telephone, internet, newspaper, electricity, water, chowkidar, car petrol, milkman, maid etc ( bare minimum just to survive in the most ordinary way is approximately 12 to 13,000 Rs
That leaves me with 23,000 Rs.
Out of this you decide how should I I take out the money to sponsor my Bangalore trips and the advocates fees and the maintenance money.
my each trip to bangalore costs a minimum of 14,000 Rs
I can pay 12,000 Rs to bulli every month which leaves me with 11,000 Rs and that too I would be saving for the children only or utilize for my trips to Bangalore.
As for bulli’s knowledge , I am not having any other souces of income as was mentioned in the affidavit, I have a savings bank account in bank of baroda where my salary is deposited by ECS and about 3 years back when there was a lot of craze in the market I bought 3 mutual funds for the first time in my life worth 30,000 RS which are blocked for 3 years. My after the duty hour cases have also dwindled away in the last 3-4 months partly because I am not too keen in making such an effort when the people for whom I was doing all that are not even there to talk to me and partly for the reason that it involves too much of concentration in the high risk field like anesthesia and with my current state of mind I had certain very narrow escapes and simply I don’t want to continue with that type of risky lifestyle. So whatever I have is very clearly in front of you and cant overemphasize on the point that my commitment for my family, my little angels stands firm till my last breath and to the best of my abilities and it’s up to bulli to decide what she wants to do with me.
Please ask bulli to pray to lord to bring an end to my sufferings coz its not possible for me to stop thinking about my kids or stop thinking about reuniting with her at this time and all time to come in the rest of my life. Neither can I opt for the easy way for that is not my philosophy so I will keep on praying to almighty to take care of my family and keep them in good health and cheers for all time to come and please allow me to contribute my share in the upbringing of my children to the best of abilities.
My little angels – I really love you and when you grow up you might realize that your dad was actually not such a bad guy after all and there was no need for anyone to have shielded you from my so called absurd lifestyle.
God bless you all.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
An Appeal from a weeping heart
Please tell my kids that I am really missing them on this day and just like any other day over the last five and a half months. It’s like going through the ordeal of a concentration camp, where you can’t even speak to your loved ones. I have no means of communication with bulli except through the thoughts and feelings which are always trying to form some sort of a connection.
There is no point in elaborating the trauma of this separation coz it seems very clear to me that I stand absolutely alone, holding on, to the singular purpose of getting my family back.
My each heart beat and each breath is dedicated to my little angels and I am sure that in the depths of her heart barnali knows that what kind of ideology and philosophy, her once beloved husband holds on to and how much he has craved to be cared for, by her.
Please let my kids know that their father loves them like crazy. Merry Christmas
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Swine Flu sentiments
Dearest wife, you will be glad to know that I have volunteered for looking after the H1N1 critical care- a make shift set up for the severe ARDS patients with swine flu.
It was a very funny situation indeed when a young boy with severe ARDS got admitted in our hospital , none of the specialists dared to even visit the patient, half of them saying that that they have children at home. I had a big laugh coz it never occurred to me that even I had little children with whom I can’t even speak because of a court’s order restraining to do that on the request of my wife. Anyways as you know me, I decided to give that child my best of efforts and I accepted the responsibility. After 5 days of critical events yesterday I got him off paralysis and gave him a T-piece trial with spontaneous breathing and you should have looked at the joy in his parent’s eyes. His mother who was constantly praying outside couldn’t control her tears while talking to him. Well today is a crucial day for him coz he has developed fever again and the possibility of a nasty nosocomial infection caused by a stupid MDR bug is still there and his life hinges on it.
Well every event in this cosmos is linked with each other as my spiritual trail has taught me – who knows, that my power of understanding the emotions and pains of the other person and my over indulgence in the critical care might after all have a meaning and I might actually be able to serve as a useful tool for the almighty in getting that 15 year old boy back to his parents. Don’t they say something about the higher purpose in life and didn’t you mention about the true satisfaction which our profession offers.
There might be something for you as well if I get H!N! ARDS then you can get all the insurance money!
Just one request- do tell my little angels that I really miss them a lot and they are the most precious for me forever and ever and there is nothing on this earth more desirable than to be able to hold them in my arms and to be reunited with my family again.
Take care
It was a very funny situation indeed when a young boy with severe ARDS got admitted in our hospital , none of the specialists dared to even visit the patient, half of them saying that that they have children at home. I had a big laugh coz it never occurred to me that even I had little children with whom I can’t even speak because of a court’s order restraining to do that on the request of my wife. Anyways as you know me, I decided to give that child my best of efforts and I accepted the responsibility. After 5 days of critical events yesterday I got him off paralysis and gave him a T-piece trial with spontaneous breathing and you should have looked at the joy in his parent’s eyes. His mother who was constantly praying outside couldn’t control her tears while talking to him. Well today is a crucial day for him coz he has developed fever again and the possibility of a nasty nosocomial infection caused by a stupid MDR bug is still there and his life hinges on it.
Well every event in this cosmos is linked with each other as my spiritual trail has taught me – who knows, that my power of understanding the emotions and pains of the other person and my over indulgence in the critical care might after all have a meaning and I might actually be able to serve as a useful tool for the almighty in getting that 15 year old boy back to his parents. Don’t they say something about the higher purpose in life and didn’t you mention about the true satisfaction which our profession offers.
There might be something for you as well if I get H!N! ARDS then you can get all the insurance money!
Just one request- do tell my little angels that I really miss them a lot and they are the most precious for me forever and ever and there is nothing on this earth more desirable than to be able to hold them in my arms and to be reunited with my family again.
Take care
Swine Flu sentiments
Dearest wife, you will be glad to know that I have volunteered for looking after the H1N1 critical care- a make shift set up for the severe ARDS patients with swine flu.
It was a very funny situation indeed when a young boy with severe ARDS got admitted in our hospital , none of the specialists dared to even visit the patient, half of them saying that that they have children at home. I had a big laugh coz it never occurred to me that even I had little children with whom I can’t even speak because of a court’s order restraining to do that on the request of my wife. Anyways as you know me, I decided to give that child my best of efforts and I accepted the responsibility. After 5 days of critical events yesterday I got him off paralysis and gave him a T-piece trial with spontaneous breathing and you should have looked at the joy in his parent’s eyes. His mother who was constantly praying outside couldn’t control her tears while talking to him. Well today is a crucial day for him coz he has developed fever again and the possibility of a nasty nosocomial infection caused by a stupid MDR bug is still there and his life hinges on it.
Well every event in this cosmos is linked with each other as my spiritual trail has taught me – who knows, that my power of understanding the emotions and pains of the other person and my over indulgence in the critical care might after all have a meaning and I might actually be able to serve as a useful tool for the almighty in getting that 15 year old boy back to his parents. Don’t they say something about the higher purpose in life and didn’t you mention about the true satisfaction which our profession offers.
There might be something for you as well if I get H!N! ARDS then you can get all the insurance money!
Just one request- do tell my little angels that I really miss them a lot and they are the most precious for me forever and ever and there is nothing on this earth more desirable than to be able to hold them in my arms and to be reunited with my family again.
Take care
It was a very funny situation indeed when a young boy with severe ARDS got admitted in our hospital , none of the specialists dared to even visit the patient, half of them saying that that they have children at home. I had a big laugh coz it never occurred to me that even I had little children with whom I can’t even speak because of a court’s order restraining to do that on the request of my wife. Anyways as you know me, I decided to give that child my best of efforts and I accepted the responsibility. After 5 days of critical events yesterday I got him off paralysis and gave him a T-piece trial with spontaneous breathing and you should have looked at the joy in his parent’s eyes. His mother who was constantly praying outside couldn’t control her tears while talking to him. Well today is a crucial day for him coz he has developed fever again and the possibility of a nasty nosocomial infection caused by a stupid MDR bug is still there and his life hinges on it.
Well every event in this cosmos is linked with each other as my spiritual trail has taught me – who knows, that my power of understanding the emotions and pains of the other person and my over indulgence in the critical care might after all have a meaning and I might actually be able to serve as a useful tool for the almighty in getting that 15 year old boy back to his parents. Don’t they say something about the higher purpose in life and didn’t you mention about the true satisfaction which our profession offers.
There might be something for you as well if I get H!N! ARDS then you can get all the insurance money!
Just one request- do tell my little angels that I really miss them a lot and they are the most precious for me forever and ever and there is nothing on this earth more desirable than to be able to hold them in my arms and to be reunited with my family again.
Take care
Friday, December 11, 2009
Dearest angels
Dearest little angels,
Today I am missing you so much that I simply cant stop thinking about you , the sweet voice of my darling mouli and the funny faces and the brilliant jokes and pranks of super darling muku – god its such a punishment to stay alive for even a day without seeing you both. The only hope that is keeping me alive is that one day I will be able to see you and hug you and ytell you that I love you so so much. I must be the unluckiest of all the dads on this planet who cant even talk to his daughters eventhough he only dreams of just one thing and that is to take you in his arms and to shower you with all the affection possible you two were my real heartbeats and the inspiration for me to live on amidst the all the chaos and your mother knows this very well that I cant live without you and the only punishment she could think of was to take you away from me so that I feel the pain every second that I live from there on.
Dear babies, your mom is not aware of the fact that the purpose of my life is to live for you folks and there is no other purpose in remaining alive on this stupid earth and I realy loved your mom and I am desperate to see my family reunited again.
Your mom had asked for twenty thousand rupees per month out of my in-hand salary of 46,000 rupees for maintenance. Please tell her that she is staying 17,00 km away from me and to travel from Delhi to Bangalore it takes a minimum of 14,000 rupees for airfare and hotel expenses even if I stay in the cheapest of the lodges in the Bangalore and have my meals on the footpath. She also needs to be reminded that the the insurance policies of which only she is the nominee, I have to pay around 11,00 0 rupees. You mom has always been poor in mathematics and especially when it come housonomics . Please tell her that I want to take care of your education and all the other needs as I had always been doing before she left for Bangalore. all the money y that is there with me is all for you two and I will make sure that your future is secured please tell your mom that with my current salary she can take 12,000 rupees which can take care of your education and 4,000 each I can deposit in the ongoing recurring deposits that I already have in your names and she can take the receipt every month.
I had pledged your mom to forget about the past and make a fresh beginning so that we can give our children the best and also suggested to her that she can take whole of my salary and be the lady of the house and just give me the pocket money every month.
Each day I sit in your mom’s meditation corner and pray to almighty hoping that my voice will someday reach her heart and she will realize that a father’s soul is being put to the harshest of endurance test by asking the dad to live forcibly without even listening to his heart beat that is you two.
My angels ----you dad will never let you down
You motu papa
Today I am missing you so much that I simply cant stop thinking about you , the sweet voice of my darling mouli and the funny faces and the brilliant jokes and pranks of super darling muku – god its such a punishment to stay alive for even a day without seeing you both. The only hope that is keeping me alive is that one day I will be able to see you and hug you and ytell you that I love you so so much. I must be the unluckiest of all the dads on this planet who cant even talk to his daughters eventhough he only dreams of just one thing and that is to take you in his arms and to shower you with all the affection possible you two were my real heartbeats and the inspiration for me to live on amidst the all the chaos and your mother knows this very well that I cant live without you and the only punishment she could think of was to take you away from me so that I feel the pain every second that I live from there on.
Dear babies, your mom is not aware of the fact that the purpose of my life is to live for you folks and there is no other purpose in remaining alive on this stupid earth and I realy loved your mom and I am desperate to see my family reunited again.
Your mom had asked for twenty thousand rupees per month out of my in-hand salary of 46,000 rupees for maintenance. Please tell her that she is staying 17,00 km away from me and to travel from Delhi to Bangalore it takes a minimum of 14,000 rupees for airfare and hotel expenses even if I stay in the cheapest of the lodges in the Bangalore and have my meals on the footpath. She also needs to be reminded that the the insurance policies of which only she is the nominee, I have to pay around 11,00 0 rupees. You mom has always been poor in mathematics and especially when it come housonomics . Please tell her that I want to take care of your education and all the other needs as I had always been doing before she left for Bangalore. all the money y that is there with me is all for you two and I will make sure that your future is secured please tell your mom that with my current salary she can take 12,000 rupees which can take care of your education and 4,000 each I can deposit in the ongoing recurring deposits that I already have in your names and she can take the receipt every month.
I had pledged your mom to forget about the past and make a fresh beginning so that we can give our children the best and also suggested to her that she can take whole of my salary and be the lady of the house and just give me the pocket money every month.
Each day I sit in your mom’s meditation corner and pray to almighty hoping that my voice will someday reach her heart and she will realize that a father’s soul is being put to the harshest of endurance test by asking the dad to live forcibly without even listening to his heart beat that is you two.
My angels ----you dad will never let you down
You motu papa
Friday, December 4, 2009
DOWNLOADING GOD
Dearest Koochi,
Referring you by this nick name propels me in to a fantasy world where the two hearts were in perfect synchronization and used to beat in rhythm. Where is that world? It’s been five months that you have been away from me along with my most precious daughters and I am surviving each day like a dream- a bad dream , waiting for it get over.
You cheated on me: you were seeking spiritual guidance from the enlightened souls like Yogananda Paramhansa, Sri Aurobindo, and Lord Buddha himself. You used to meditate and seek silent peace and harmony in your corner in front of your almirah while I used to play loud music and struggled with futile desires of collection of music and stupid movies, never once you tried initiating me in to your mystic world of serenity and spirituality. You even went to satsangs and yogoda and I used to criticize you and mummy for adopting such paths which I felt were meant for the weaker beings.
But and not a just a simple BUT, in fact what can be called as a POWER OF TIME and Destiny’s footfalls I had to come to HIS HOUSE , to kneel in front of HIM , to seek his approval---- to know the answers I had to download GOD and since last two months or so my quest for his grace lead me utilize my old buddy , my computer to aid me in finding the answers.
Somehow and somewhat foolishly but yet with profound humility I feel indebted to destiny for creating such an environment for me where all the variables and all this shock of unbearable pain of separation from my loved ones lead me to this sacred path finally.
First thing that I realized was that my approach was mammothly wrong when kutum left us, that feeling of a void would have been similar for you as I feel all these days and my approach was to make you come out of that sadness by immersing yourself in this mayajaal, but when it came over me I instantly realized that the approach was wrong and this cosmic illusion , all this worldly wisdom and scenic beauties and all the mortal pleasures all together can’t even give you even a seconds comfort and solace and all that want is to go back in time and undo the things which separated you from your loved ones. That’s what the true treasure of our lives is and that’s where the real happiness lies, that is in the hearts of your loved ones and the ordinary day infused with their presence and voices.
The first book that I picked up was the Autobiography of a Yogi. Then the stage was set and I read Man’s Eternal Quest and then Divine Romance and then Journey to Self Realization and then many others I made friends with. Then I picked up the book written by MOTHER –Question and Answers. I looked in your corner and found several of your favorite books stacked and tried finding answers in them. Then I searched the whole house for the books which you bought and found the POWER OF THOUGHT, Awaken the MIND and the Synthesis of yoga by Sri Aurobindo.
Well my quest for the answers will continue and my journey to self realization is well begun and it gives me a lot of peace and strength to wait patiently for my loved ones to come back and sooth my aching heart.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
my life has become a prayer
Dearest wife and my little angels
I am still alive, it is a mystery in itself coz 5 months earlier even a fragment of such a thought would have surely convulsed me in the remotest of my dreams.
Don’t know what you perceive of my mental state or whether it even matters to you that I am still living or dead but for me you people are and will always remain everything. My little daughters mean more to me than any other thing or person or desire which an ordinary mortal can conceive in his minds vestibules. Ever since you have gone every day is like a struggle – to carry on simply living or more precisely not to die. Don’t worry because I am not a fool to adopt the easy way because I am well aware that if I exit midway with my heart and soul with unfulfilled desires of seeing my kids and wife and letting them know how much I love them and how my life was woven in the fabric of their love, I will never attain even entering the worst fires of hell leave aside nirvana.
Well it is a strange thing indeed, why you left and why you don’t even talk to me or let me even speak with the kids? Surely you must be having a very logical explanation and justification for what you have decided and must be thinking in terms of benefits for the kids but tell me one thing. Is it possible for even an animal to let go of his offspring’s, just simply forget about them, each day is like a punishment. What is there left for me to think forward to in life, for whom shall I get up in the morning and go to work, for who shall I simply live on.
Well the legal proceedings are on and I am not supposed to communicate with you and strangely the father finds himself barred from even seeing his kids or even talk to them on phone, must be a devil of a father who will eat up his kids even on telephone or curse them by looking at them . Surely I must be that hell raised devil who will bring a thousand curses on everything I call my own and surely I must be deserving all this punishment of the severest kinds. Thank you God for what you have given me.
You snatched away everything from me, everything that I called my own and everything for which I wanted to live for. But still I will carry on living till you realize the truth that I really loved you and it was only your love and affection that I desired from the core the core of my heart and my children are the most precious for me and I will do everything for them till the last breath of my life even if I am unable to speak with them I do connect with them via my constant prayers and thoughts, thoughts which will protect them, nourish them and help them to grow up as their father’s daughters. I will also pray for your well being and happiness and May god fill your life with bliss so that you transmit that bliss in our children’s lives. My prayers are also for giving you the strength to sustain your fight against what you consider as evil and I pray from my heart that you get all the spirit and strength to let you carry on this battle as a lady with whom I fell in love with and have a lot of faith in her integrity and self esteem and simply whom I have always considered as part of my own blood and flesh. And so I have a good reason to carry on living – to pray, to kneel down in front of HIS altar, to ask him to give me strength to sustain this punishment with humility, for one day the TRUTH shall WIN and my soul will revive when again I will be able to sing our favorite song to you-“look into my eyes” and on that day I will be alive again.
I am still alive, it is a mystery in itself coz 5 months earlier even a fragment of such a thought would have surely convulsed me in the remotest of my dreams.
Don’t know what you perceive of my mental state or whether it even matters to you that I am still living or dead but for me you people are and will always remain everything. My little daughters mean more to me than any other thing or person or desire which an ordinary mortal can conceive in his minds vestibules. Ever since you have gone every day is like a struggle – to carry on simply living or more precisely not to die. Don’t worry because I am not a fool to adopt the easy way because I am well aware that if I exit midway with my heart and soul with unfulfilled desires of seeing my kids and wife and letting them know how much I love them and how my life was woven in the fabric of their love, I will never attain even entering the worst fires of hell leave aside nirvana.
Well it is a strange thing indeed, why you left and why you don’t even talk to me or let me even speak with the kids? Surely you must be having a very logical explanation and justification for what you have decided and must be thinking in terms of benefits for the kids but tell me one thing. Is it possible for even an animal to let go of his offspring’s, just simply forget about them, each day is like a punishment. What is there left for me to think forward to in life, for whom shall I get up in the morning and go to work, for who shall I simply live on.
Well the legal proceedings are on and I am not supposed to communicate with you and strangely the father finds himself barred from even seeing his kids or even talk to them on phone, must be a devil of a father who will eat up his kids even on telephone or curse them by looking at them . Surely I must be that hell raised devil who will bring a thousand curses on everything I call my own and surely I must be deserving all this punishment of the severest kinds. Thank you God for what you have given me.
You snatched away everything from me, everything that I called my own and everything for which I wanted to live for. But still I will carry on living till you realize the truth that I really loved you and it was only your love and affection that I desired from the core the core of my heart and my children are the most precious for me and I will do everything for them till the last breath of my life even if I am unable to speak with them I do connect with them via my constant prayers and thoughts, thoughts which will protect them, nourish them and help them to grow up as their father’s daughters. I will also pray for your well being and happiness and May god fill your life with bliss so that you transmit that bliss in our children’s lives. My prayers are also for giving you the strength to sustain your fight against what you consider as evil and I pray from my heart that you get all the spirit and strength to let you carry on this battle as a lady with whom I fell in love with and have a lot of faith in her integrity and self esteem and simply whom I have always considered as part of my own blood and flesh. And so I have a good reason to carry on living – to pray, to kneel down in front of HIS altar, to ask him to give me strength to sustain this punishment with humility, for one day the TRUTH shall WIN and my soul will revive when again I will be able to sing our favorite song to you-“look into my eyes” and on that day I will be alive again.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
dearst muku and mouli
a very happy children's day
Children's day is celebrated in India on the 14th of November, the birthday of India's first Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru, as a tribute to his love of children.he liked roses and children.He was very fond of children and he use to do anything for children.
the above photo was made by a 9 year old boy named puru, for google site and he won an award on childrens day. i am sure muku mouli wud have made a better one
i am sure that my lovely angels must have made some great lloking art work in there school on this special day. do tell me what all happened as here in delhi i can only imagine what you people are doing and just keep missing you and thats all i do day after day after day.
your papa realy loves you and miss you so so so much.
god bless you and may he fills your life with all the happiness in this world.
Friday, November 13, 2009
"Don’t draw conclusions until you know all the facts".
One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train. Train is about to leave the station. All passengers are settling down their seat.
As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side. He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind".
Old man smile and admired son feelings. Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between father and son.
They were little awkward with the attitude of 25 years old man behaving like a small child. Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with train".
Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly. Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the young man's hand. He filled with joy and he closed the eyes.
He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa".
Couple couldn't help themselves and ask the old man. "Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treatment for your son."
Old man said, “Yes, We are coming from the hospital as Today my son got his eye sight for first time in his life".
As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side. He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind".
Old man smile and admired son feelings. Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between father and son.
They were little awkward with the attitude of 25 years old man behaving like a small child. Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with train".
Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly. Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the young man's hand. He filled with joy and he closed the eyes.
He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa".
Couple couldn't help themselves and ask the old man. "Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treatment for your son."
Old man said, “Yes, We are coming from the hospital as Today my son got his eye sight for first time in his life".
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
happy birthday bulli
no need to say that i am missing you on this very special day but still my soul wont find solace if i dont cry out loud into the skies as i watch that star thru which we used to communicate years back. a very happy birthday and may god give you all that which will realy be beneficial for you for the life ahead. hope you have a good time with our daughters and hope that that willl enjoy this special moment with you like never before.
take care and god bless you all
your sunny
Monday, November 2, 2009
birthday month
dearest muku and mouli and bullithis month, for the last 16 odd years i have thought of celebrating my koochi's birhtday in some or the other unique way, nobody can imagine the sorrow in my heart when i think of the unfortunate situation i find myself this year, not even being able to communicate with you folks. But still as world prepares to make a beautifull case of my life i will sit down and prepare yet another beautifull birthday present for my one and only heart throb - my koochi
as victor frankl mentioned in his great book - man's search for meaning " nobody can take away one's attitude which he adopts in any situation be it the most life threatening moment " i have chosen mine coz i know in the depth my heart what you people mean to me and no law can take away my feelings for you even if i die.
happy birhtday koochi waiting for tenth of november when you will turn 36 exactly half of your life you would have spent with me
Saturday, October 24, 2009
missing you like crazy
hi muku mouli bulli,
i miss you all so much that cant be expressed words, it feels like i am not alive anymore. most of the time i dont know what i am doing - self talking and hallucinating and imagening that all of you are there in the house in the other room, i can hear your voices and and jsut feel like calling you people as if you were there next to me. the moment i go out of the house every thing and every place reminds me of you and it is very very very painfull to find myself all alone and at night this feeling of loneliness turns into somekind of intense fear and i have to put the lights on thruout the night coz otherwise i cant sleep,
i know i cant do anything about it coz it's not in my hands to bring you people back but i am not loosing my faith in god - i will meet you some day and then you would realize that all that i have been telling you was not a lie but plain truth.
i miss you all so much that cant be expressed words, it feels like i am not alive anymore. most of the time i dont know what i am doing - self talking and hallucinating and imagening that all of you are there in the house in the other room, i can hear your voices and and jsut feel like calling you people as if you were there next to me. the moment i go out of the house every thing and every place reminds me of you and it is very very very painfull to find myself all alone and at night this feeling of loneliness turns into somekind of intense fear and i have to put the lights on thruout the night coz otherwise i cant sleep,
i know i cant do anything about it coz it's not in my hands to bring you people back but i am not loosing my faith in god - i will meet you some day and then you would realize that all that i have been telling you was not a lie but plain truth.
Friday, October 16, 2009
happy diwali
.png)
.png)
Today in I had an early morning dream, a dream that I would like to die for and never wake up from but unfortunately it was a dream only.
I was there with you in a park and you were sitting on a long rest chair and I was holding your hands sitting beside you on the ground and asking for a smile and you yielded after sometime and gave me the best smile ever and then came running muku and mouli and they hugged me and started their chirpy stories and it was as if I was in paradise but suddenly my eyes opened and found myself alone in the room.
Well I pray to lord to dissolve me in that dream and next time if that dream comes, never to wake me up from that dream.
I am missing you all very much.
Wish you all a very happy diwali, wish you all the happiness in this world and may almighty keep you healthy and happy always.
God bless you muku mouli , may all the happiness flow into your little hands and let all the world feel your magical presence wherever you go and enlighten there world with your smiles.
dearest bulli
Every day I get up hoping that the bad dream would have ended but only to find that my loved ones are not there. Tears fill up my eyes as I feel the emptiness around me but there is no one to wipe them off. My heart starts beating faster as the feeling sinks in that my folks are 1700 km away and I can’t even speak to them.
Wish some magic would bring everything back to normal and I could manifest my realizations into our relation. I keep thinking of so many things that I could have done to make you feel secure and warm and could have saved our family from this catastrophe.
Everywhere I see I feel that there is an opportunity to convert in happiness by sharing its joy together with you, simply watching the fishes in the aquarium or taking a walk on the crowded streets of karol bagh could mean so much to me if you were there. Going to buy grocery or clothes or simply going to cannought place could give so much of pleasure.
Every festival has gone dry in this house and the same is going to happen on this diwali with my soul engulfed in darkness of sorrow and repentance for something which occurred because of my fault.
I pray to almighty that with his blessings he keeps my family safe and healthy, that he keeps my children smiling and chirping with joy always and that he keeps my koochi on content and happy.
Love you all always and forever
Wish some magic would bring everything back to normal and I could manifest my realizations into our relation. I keep thinking of so many things that I could have done to make you feel secure and warm and could have saved our family from this catastrophe.
Everywhere I see I feel that there is an opportunity to convert in happiness by sharing its joy together with you, simply watching the fishes in the aquarium or taking a walk on the crowded streets of karol bagh could mean so much to me if you were there. Going to buy grocery or clothes or simply going to cannought place could give so much of pleasure.
Every festival has gone dry in this house and the same is going to happen on this diwali with my soul engulfed in darkness of sorrow and repentance for something which occurred because of my fault.
I pray to almighty that with his blessings he keeps my family safe and healthy, that he keeps my children smiling and chirping with joy always and that he keeps my koochi on content and happy.
Love you all always and forever
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Dear Muku & Mouli
Hi Muku & Mouli,
Wanted to share an interesting fact with you.
Did you know the distance between Bangalore and Delhi is 1743 km.
If I decide to walk from delhi to Bangalore how much time I will take?
Ans: as you know that I am your motu papa so I can only walk not faster than 5 km per hour that means 1743 divided by 5 that is 349 hours
In one day there are 24 hours , so 349 hours means 349 divide by 24 that is about 15 days. Now I can’t keep walking all the day as I will have to sleep also and go take bath and eat food also that means I will have 12 hours at the most in aday to walk so I will need double the calculated days which come out to be 30 days or simply one full month.
Now that is some walking ! I think I should use a rail or an airplane which takes just 2 and a half hour, isn’t that amazing
Well if I do walk that much I will become patlu papa from motu papa
Sunday, October 11, 2009
dear muku & mouli
my darling daughters,
i was so thrilled to see your message, muku bete i will get your music notebook next time i come to banagalore. you tell me more about the subject that you want to learn so that i can find something good for you. all the time i keep thinking of you all and i miss you vey much. keep up with your hobbies and studies and also give some time to reading books, your mummy knows about so many books for children. i remember the day when mouli and i went to market and suddenly she read a sign-board and i was so thrilled that my little fairy has started reading.
muku you are already an expert in reading and i think you should start reading story books now which will increase your vocabulary and also your general knowledge so that you can again win prizes like the one got at anchal's house.
love you
papa
motu papa is trying to get patla
Saturday, October 10, 2009
dear muku & mouli
Story of little muniyaDear muku & mouli,
An amazing thing happened today as I reached the hospital late as usual, I took up the rear gate to reach the operation theater quickly. Near the parking complex I found a little girl about 3-4 years old crying and there was a very dirty man standing next to her scolding her. I just asked him – why is she crying? He told me that she is lost and and she is constantly saying mummy mummy. I asked the little liitle girl what was her name and she said MUNIYA and also told me that her mother’s name was nirmala and her papa’s name was bunty. I asked her – is your mummy ill and she said that her mummy had a got little doll in her tummy. I was so surprised to hear this as she was a such a small girl. I immediately took the little girl to the ward where they treat the mothers and little babies to my surprise I found that woman Nirmala lying on the bed without anyone near her. I asked her where was her muniya and she immidaitely started looking for her , then I told her that nothing to worry as muniya was with me and she was so happy to see her muniya and thanked me for getting her child back. I gave her some money to buy biscuits for the little child and take care of her so that she doesn’t get lost again.
Muniya was lucky that she found her mother .-
moral of the story is -that you should never go out of the house without letting your mother know about it and same thing in the school also and you must never start speaking to the strangers or accept gifts or toffees from them. I hope you remember the story of LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.
God Bless you my little Dolls . take care of each other when you are playing outside the house and also in the school. Muku, you being the elder one must always take care of little mouli that she is not bullied by the other kids in the school and also of each others belongings.
Take care – love you always.
papa
Friday, October 9, 2009
muku bete
Hi muku bête,
You told me that you saw a huge shiva murti , I just came across one myself surfing on the net . tell me is that the same murti ?
I am praying constantly for all of you. God is great and I am sure that with blessings of almighty you ,mouli and your mummy will sail through the difficult times easily .
I know you are a brilliant child and whatever you read and study you can master easily just like the mathematic sums which you solve just like a computer. I hope that you and mouli must have made a lot of friends and you must go out and play with your friends. Now that you are old enough I think you should start playing games like badminton. I always wanted to play badminton with you .
Also teach mouli whatever new things you learn.
Love you bête you are always there in my heart .
Your motu papa
Thursday, October 8, 2009
mouli bete
hi mouli
how is my little fairy doing?
must have grown up and become very tall and strong.
i remember your sweet poem which you sang with such divine melody.
row, row, row you boat, gently down the stream
merily, merily, merily, merily, life is but a dream
sona babu ilove you very much just listen to mummy and do your homework and reading and writing and also tell me about the new games that you play with your sister and mummy.
love you my little fairy
muku bete
Hi muku bête
Was just remembering you tricks with the strings and how beautifull were all those amazing things that you made like Jacob’s ladder.
Do keep up with your amazing hobby and the enthusiasm with which you pick up new games and tricks.
You are simply amazing and you papa really loves you very much.
Are you taking your milk and meals properly because it is very important for a growing girl like you.
Take care and give my love to mouli and mummy.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Dearest Wife
.jpg)
Dearest wife,
Today I am sitting in front my p.c. for the Nth time and wondering how my life has been spent almost in futility when I see this vast emptiness and a giant void surrounding me when you and my darling daughters are not there with me.
Well this computer has been my recluse since many years and I have downloaded articles, books to make hundreds of presentations, downloaded thousands of movies and music albums and over the last month I have called upon its mysterious power to help me get my spiritual answers as to what is goal of my life if you and my daughters are not there to share this eternal drama of life together.
In my quest for answers I came across a wonderful book “Peace, Power, and Presence - Jonathan Evatt”
Quote from the book
“One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structures of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day”
Today is that day when all the ladies would be praying for the long life of their husbands and you also used to keep a Fast for my long life, I am not writing this in order to remind you but it just echoes in my heart the love that you had for me, the will to go on without even having a glass of water for the whole day- it just reminds me of my being so unfortunate to not have the person besides me who truly loved me so much and the only person to be blamed is me myself.
I am missing you very much and there is nothing that i can do to let you know how much I love you except for typing on this ages old keyboard and hoping that through some mysterious power hidden within its complex circuits my true feeling for you could reach your heart.
Love you always -sunny
Sunday, October 4, 2009
mouli bete
Hello Mouli bête,
How is my little fairy? I love you mouli bête and I miss your chirping and little hands which I used to hold when i wanted some power.
Mouli bête are you eating your meals and drinking you horlik milk. Papa realy wants you to be strong like a tiger and wants you to be tall as a giraffe and wants you to be fast as a cheetah. Papa really wants you to be so strong that you can take care of you muku didi and your mummy.
Mouli bête are doing you prayers which you were so fond of and all those mantras which you know so well. God listens very fast to such beautiful little fairies.
I will write again and you also tell me the names of your new friends and tell about the new things you have learnt and your favourite television show.
Love you always.
Your motu papa
muku bete
Hello Muku bête,
My darling daughter, I miss you very much and each day every hour and every minute I am thinking of you and your little sister mouli.
How are you doing at the school, in the new house, with new friends and in a new city ? I am sure my brave girl would be doing very well in her studies and eating well and sleeping in time and listening to her mummy.
Bête your papa wants you to be brave and wants you to be the best in the whole world and for this you need to listen to your elders and respect there advice.
Do you remember the fairy tale of the good queen and the bad queen which I used to tell before you went to sleep, well here is one secret I want to tell you that if you pray to god every morning and before sleeping that GOD give me a lot of strength and wisdom so that when a question comes I am able to answer it correctly.
Are you practicing your music riyaas , I really miss that and your beautiful voice is just like a prayer in itself.
God bless you . do write back and give my love to little mouli and your mummy and everybody.
I will write again
Your motu papa
Bulli,
Over the last few days there has been significant changes in the way I look at the things, may be the perspective which was so blatantly emphasized is finally taking a pure shape. I really don’t know what to say to you because whatever I have said to you in the past has only taken you further away from me.
“In great sufferings there are hidden great lessons” was written in a book which I bought in the hope of getting the answers . answers which my soul is desperately searching for in order to explain to me that whatever is happening is my own KARMIC EQUATION..
Well again I have started imposing my point of view on you. There are so many books and articles I have read on spirituality inorder to find the answers and almost all of them give a subtle hint towards the atate of blindness in which I was living in so far and the way I had veiled my soul from the true light which I can see clearly in your pooja corner which must have penetrated you in depth for I truly believe that you were on the correct path always.
Repenting for not having you near me in my time of turmoil.
Your blameworthy sunny
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
