Happy Birthday Dear Mouli

Dear Mouli, tried calling you on all the numbers I had but each time it was declined. The whatsapp call was also blocked. May that is the right thing to do, that is what your mother thinks. But you must always remember that your father loves you like crazy and misses you in every single moment. I will wait till eternity till you and muku realize how much I care for you. Could have gone to the legal recourse for getting my rights of meeting you but I feel that a father's love should need no defense attorney and besides that whom will I fight. Live you and muku always and please tell your mom that I don't blame her or curse her foe what she is doing. Maybe it should give her some solace that every second she is seperating you from me is like pain of thousand centuries. 

Even the worst criminals do get a chance to meet their children but not me. I mean it must be the cruelest of jokes being orchestrated by destiny.. I am just missing you and wanted to hear from you. Love you always

Your motu Papa

happy birthday dear Mukuchi

Just praying, please let me speak to my daughter..I'm dying to hear her voice. Tried all the numbers I have but there is no response. Don't know what to do.cant even visit your house because of lockdown. Please please call me muku.i just want to hear your voice

Your Papa

love in times of corona

You girls can't even imagiy how much I miss you. At times I just go in a trance like state right in yhe middle of whatever I am doing and get transported to an imaginary world where I am with you. Wanted to dhare my covid stories with you and the various hit and trials that are going on in an effort to to win this  fight. No phone calls no mails no communication..you have even blocked me from WhatsApp but can you block me from thinking about you........

Love you and miss you deeply

Your same old motu Papa

simply missing my daughters

Muku Mouli

Can't describe in words, just missing both of you.

Not a word from either of you since last 4 months..i mean it's just unbelievable. Please talk to me.

Love you

My little angels

love you Muku Mouli

one of my favorite photos 

One of my prized possessions

Hi Muku Mouli, I am sure that both of you will crack these exams and top the ranks, just thought of sharing this excuisite creation that you gave me as a gift, it is a source of power and determination for me.

Lu hu mu Ku as always

best of luck for the exams

Dear Muku and Mouli
boards exams, I know the kind of tension that surrounds the word board !! but I am very sure that unlike me and many others both of you are far superior cool dudes and you will crack these exams easily. you have already topped these exams from my point of view and now its just the confirmation on the mark sheets that is awaited.
see you soon
luhumuku for muku
and

hukumulu for mouli

Last rites...flash backs in the memory

Hi muku mouli.
Today morning we went back to the burial ground for the last rituals of picking up the bone remains...as I started to identify the bones in the ash remains his hand bones were clearly visible as and I remembered those strong hands which I held so tightly when I was a kid when he taught me how to walk..then I picked up those leg bones and the artificial implant and I remembered his tall frame which was a symbol of strength to me. Whatever I am today is mostly what he taught me..I did not learn from of him business of this world and the sophisticated art of money management that his son (appu) picked up but I learnt from him the art of seeing through most complicated pictures...what lies beneath...the art of identifying the simple facts wrapped in complex algorithms. I learnt from him the sense of humor which comes as a rescue in odd times.
With him accompanying him I have attended many funerals and the last one I remembered was of your beloved mama (kutum) I was very very upset..I came back from the stage where saurav was performing the rites and sat with him..clearly remember that he said that now the soul has moved forward and entered the new plane...and asked me to be calm and pray for his next journey..the same way he consoled me at the time biji's final rites..I kept weeping profusely when we laid his quite and still body on to the funeral pyre.  And I kept weeping coz there was no one there to console me this time...muku mouli I really wish I could hold your hands and share my grief..it is a tremendous loss for me...it wish that my Tayaji's soul finds utmost peace in bakunth dhaam..

Beloved Tata (tayaji) passed away

Dearest muku mouli... I am in profound grief...not only for the immense loss of a loved one but also because there is no one with whom I can share my deepest feelings.
No one understands what he meant to me..was more than a father..he was my best friend ...he was always there when I was still struggling to become independent right from early childhood to the beginning of my professional carrier.
I loved him very much....but yet no one could understand the intensity of my attachments with him.
I managed to rescue him from his grave illness several dozens of times but still against my wishes they all shifted to gurgaon...for supposedly a better life...a bigger house...and a sophisticated neighbourhood. ...and yesterday I was not there to deal with whatever emergency occurred. ..and fate snatched him away for ever. My tears finally vented at his cremation and they are still unstoppable...I called barnali. ..but as expected she simply cut my call..then with some hope and courage I called the home landlines and I was so relieved to hear mouli's voice....I just wanted to hear your voices. ..if that is something too much to ask for being your father..
Loosing my loved ones to fate and destiny one by one....it is like witnessing your own dessimation in a slow motion...it love guts so much and I loved my tata so much...but still I could not do anything..
Tears rolling  down my eyes.... will continue my emotional outburst....here on this portal...which simply stacks up my memory pieces...

Continued. ...

And that moment can't be shared. .
As a strong man that I project
My heart can't just be bared..
So I talk with in and I talk to myself
And I stare at the pictures on my memory shelf....
And then at times ...
There is a giggle from mouli and muku tickles ...
That brings a smile back just like tastes like sweet pickle... (for rhyming )
Then I open my eyes again...nd
Again it's just the same...
That longing for my daughters continues........

Missing you muku mouli

Each day n every hour
There is a moment
That is purely ours
When I just close my eyes
And find myself in the company of thy
And that moment with my daughters
Is so intense that my eyes water
And I just hope to keep missing
With the same intensity as always.....
Till we meet ....not just for a moment but for ever ..like a father nd a daughter..

Hi Muku Hi Mouli
I hope you like it

Doomsday 20 12 2012

hi muku mouli, great to be here today despite the mayan  prophecy, 13th august 3114 bc was the date which mayans claimed that the humans arrived on earth and at the end of there long count calender the earth will get destroyed today. but still i think there is time enough to publish this post to let you know that i love my daughters very much and will do so till the end of time and even beyond. so my little fairies enjoy your life and be happy and healthy as the world prepares for the final hours before the mayan dooms day prophecy comes t....................o an annoying but happy end. i just wish that before my eyes close for ever, i am just fortunate enough to be with the two of you by my side. amen love you hug missu m,ore than ever.   your pappi. 

12---12----12 once in 1000 years

hi muku mouli, what to say, just spoke to both of you minutes ago on this most special day, well muku, it almost surreal talking to you when you pour the information on each and every thing under the sun with such sharp insights and criticisms and you mouli, you are such a charm when you give your straight forward and honest comments on the seemingly obvious anomalies of the daily life. i am a lucky dad and a proud one too, to have such charming angels as my daughters. may god grant all your wishes and as mouli says that some wishes are just impossible, may those impossible ones too become reality.
on this special day as muku says that it occurs  once in a thousand years, i am sending tons and tons of love and affection for my lovely daughters.

love you,hug u ,miss u kiss u and umma as mouli likes it.

muku's profound insight

my 11 year old daughter "mitali" expressed her concern on the growing rage of terrorism and its ever increasing collatral damage in the name of anti-terror counter attacks.
just read the following passage and just imagine that your a liitle child who just stepped into this world and is greeted with what all that led to such profound thinking in place of barbie dolls and nacy drews.

"Terrorism is the worst disaster ever created by man and has to come to an end as soon as possible and we all have to take our first step towards anti-terrorism.
first understand that this philosophy of having to take a country or religious group that a terrorist belongs to as terrorist and trating them the worst is the worst to do.
secondly remember the saying by the mahatma that an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.
and lastlywe all know that terrorists bring problems, they too have some psychological problems , after the police gets one of the terrorist they should have a psychological treatment and then the police can do their job and then maybe we will have terror free world to see with smiles on every face."

 you may like to know that this was written after an enchanting discussion in the book shop where a father had just taken his little girl in the hope to know how well his daughter had kept up with her readings and the impact of the variety of collections he had her exposed to.

Birthday Toast for bulli

Hello muku mouli, you must be wondering where has your papa disappeared from this communication portal. Well my dear angels I am always there, each second of the past two and a half years I have waited for this very day when I could ask your mother to come back to her home. Today on her birthday I decided to unfold the wrapped surprise and asked your mom to join me back I delhi for the sake of OUR two daughters. I even called up your great NANI in Gurgaon and told her about the proposal. As you grow up and assimilate more worldly wisdom then at some point in time a lot of questions will spring up if had not done this. I had suffered a lot at the hands of those people whom I considered my very own, had ll the opportunity to get rid of all of them but did not because then it would have seemed that I am a selfish gobbler. I know that you little girls love me so much but just because you are small children those eccentric bunch of so called educated high class modern people did everything possible to keep you away from me in the most brutal fashion by taking help from court and legal knock outs. I could do nothing but kept weeping inside coz I wasn’t able to speak to you or see you.
Today 10th of November I am offering your stupid mother one more chance to reconsider her priorities. She can come back to delhi to her karol bagh home . little girls I miss you a lot. Love you –motu papa

BIRTHDAY BASH

HI MUKU MOULI, MY LITTLE ANGELS.
AFTER A LONG TIME I FELT ALIVE WHEN I ENJOYED SO MUCH WITH YOU ESPECIALY GOING TO WONDER LA AND MOULI'S BIRTHDAY. HERE ARE THE PHOTOS WHICH HAVE EMBEDDED PERMANENTLY IN MY LOVING MEMORIES.

Birthday Bash

hello muku mouli, my little angels, your motu papa is missing you like crazy. so many things happen in life which we have not even dreamt about, so many events occur in your life which make you feel that you are not in control of you life. But there is one thing that will never change and that my love for my little angels my loving daughters. i will always be there for you. love you babies and a very happy B'Day

happy birthday MOULI 27 july( 7th birthday)

mouli bete. papa loves you. he is missing you so so so so much that he doesnt know what to do today since he will not be able to see you this time also like the previous birthday. i had booked the tikets for coming to bangalore but then cancelled them since your mummy doesent want me to come to your house. it is raining heavily in delhi and my teras are raining out with equal vigour and i have no intentions of stopping them because there is no other way my heart would get any comfort since my dearet angel is not with me. mouli i would pray for you that that you become strong and intelligent and as you grow up, you understand that your papa realy realy loves you and is all the time thinking of you. my little doll is the prettiest of all. happy birthday bete. i will also celebrate your birthday here in delhi.

most colorless HOLI of my life

Dearest Barnali,
On this day of holi where almost everyone is enjoying with colors, I am trying to search for my rainbow.
It is the most colorless day of my life where my eyes are dry and searching everywhere for the colors to fill up my rainbow.
How can God be so ruthless? Well I must be deserving all his wrath coz it is simply unbearable to even breathe, all the time my mind is full of craving to see you people, to get you people back in my life. At the same time Tata is not showing any signs of recovery, his swallowing has not returned and his tracheostomy is harboring the deadly pseudomonas, at times it gets blocked, at times there is muscle weakness requiring urgent intervention, at some times he develops bronchospasm, or simply it might be a mucous plug blocking his air entry. How does one expect to manage such a patient at home? but what to do , ganga ram wards were not capable of providing such care- what he needs is a high dependency unit but it is out of our reach .
Amidst all this I am struggling to revive him, tai is saying that this all she could do , anisha is following my instructions but cannot make urgent interventions and at times I rush back from rohini when there is problem.
It is selfish but still I feel had you been there with me , we could have given him much better care, without you I feel so helpless at times.
This house just seems to be an old photo album where I keep looking at the various things reminding me you your presence. Tears come out just like that and then they stop and then they come out again.
I miss you so much and keep thinking about the line you used to say. : “ you will realize my importance when will go away” I feel so miserable without my rainbow and its only me who is the cause of all my misery.
Wish you could forgive me for being what I was.
Dabs forever.

dearest muku mouli bulli-you must pray for tata

dearest daughters and bulli it is a humane request that you must pray for that man who is fighting for his life in ganga ram ICU . today is a crucial day for him, i have maximized my attempt to convince the neurologists and the intensivists that we must go in for tracheostomy as a life saving measure as weaning from the ventilator is very importanat. but i am sure that this kind of mysterious disease doesnt have any obvious treatment and even the so called top docs are perplexed. so your prayers are precious as only the mercifull hands of almighty can bring him out and muku and mouli who love thier tata so much can bring him out and bulli if you put a request up there it will be instantly granted.
please help him.

SORRY GOD i know that you are listening

Just felt like saying a big sorry to the big brother up there,after returning from the hospital and seeing my dearest tata struggling with life, i was feeling very annoyed with god, suddenly a wave of tranquility swept over, making me realize the subtle ways in which HIS plans were working and safeguarding my tayaji from complications. over last three days he had three major life threatening situations where i somehow stood as a wall between him and the fatal but when he was shifted to icu i thought that the wall was gone and was very tense about it, but later i realized that my initial decision of shifting him to ganaga ram hospital was a boon because today itself the plasmapheresis was arranged which can prove vital in his treatment and this faciity wouldnot have been available anywhere else, i am sure that in HIS GRAND PLAN , my tayaji stands the best chance to fight back.
AN APPEAL TO ALL WELL WISHERS
please please please pray for his recovery , your prayers can do the miracle of healing, specialy if my darling daughters could pray for there tata ( who realy loves them so much) i am sure that even the worst of situations could be managed.
bulli you dont know how much support i got from your call, it jsut gave me the strength to again vitalize my efforts in gathering momentum in his tretment and that single step which i took thereafter might change the whole outcome of tata's condition .

please pray for him coz i know that when you pray GOD will defenitely listen

tata is very ill, on ventilator

muku mouli bulli,
your tata who loved you so much and was constantly asking about you has become very ill and is on a life saving machine in ICU. he is suffering from a real nasty disease which has affected his capacity to breath sparing all other functions. yesterday night he collapsed infront of my eyes in the ganga ram hospital and with tears in my eyes i mainatained his breaths manualy till the help arrived fro the icu team and then he was put on a machine, he was not looking well and my capacity to hink of something miraculous has almost vanished and i am not happy with the way almighty operates because tata does not deserve this kind of outcome and this is not the way to away a person's life bu over the last 5 years i have seen that god's decisions cant be understood. i am realy missing my koochi who would have stood besides me in this hour of despair as a source of strenght and may be her presence could alter the course of the events. please pray for him. love you all

I am also GOD's son

Hello muku mouli bête and hi bulli madam,
Don’t know whether these messages are read or not and not even sure what is conveyed to you as to what happened to once existing doctor ankit urf your motu papa.
But I am very much alive, although the life I am living is a kind of posthumous experience because without you folks around me every second seems a curse. I died the day when I was not able to wish my little mouli happy birthday, I died the day when I could not celebrate dipawali, janmashtami, durga puja, Christmas, new year etc. etc. in fact I die every day as I get up in the morning after a dreamy night and find myself alone in this house at karol bagh. I die every second that I as I struggle to drag on with this lonely existence without my heart beats.
That boy whom I saved from swine flu ( harsh ) calls me often and his voice somehow gives me an inspiration to carry on as it was only the( faith in God) of his parents which made him pass the test of life.
All the great spiritual masters like Yoganada say that you must demand from god as his worthy son and and he will listen, well it seems that my demands as God’s son are still being processed and one day HE will listen.
A strange thing is happening thses days , very often in my dreams I get to meet you people and in the world of dreams our my little muku makes such wonderful string artifacts and paper crafts and my little mouli makes lovely paintings for me and my dear bulli beti is sitting besides me with and we are awe struck at the creative potentials of our angels. I am sure that you would be enchanting then bangalorians with your mystic aura, only I am not there to witness that magic.
Last week I had to go to IHBAS , shahadara to give anaesthesia to a colleague for his MRI, just adjacent to that place is our old college UCMS where your parents begun their graduation both in profession as well as in life. It just transported me back in time when I and bulli used to wait for each other in our hostel balconies and bulli had created a unique system of calling me by using our torch lights and I used to go there rushing and announced for room no. 318 girls hostel and Mrs puri ( caretaker) used to eye us with awe. Time we spent there , so many years together just flashed back instantly and when I returned back to my lonely house the shock was unbelievable I had a very troubled time as this all seems so bizarre it is unbelievable that my family my bulli could go away from me . I am to be blamed for all this coz I was on a wrong path , I was the one who deviated , I was the one who wanted to impose my stupid codes, I was the on who was lagging behind in the spiritual evolvement , I was the one who was creating all the mess.
GOD please forgive me for my stupidity and please give me MY FAMILY BACK. I love my family very much and I can’t live without my best buddy my wife and darling angels. Please let bulli know that her koochu needs her more than ever.

Shri Yogananda's Birthday

Hello Muku and Mouli bête,
NEW YEAR BEGiNS without you: unacceptable. my new year will begin only after giving you a big hug.
No matter what the world tells you but the fact is that your papa is still alive just for you; else I don’t have any interest left in this world whatsoever. You mummy says “All is left” but what is there for me to think about and construct in my life when you are not there in front of my eyes. Imagine, haven’t spoken to or seen you in SIX MONTHS . it is like a perpetual nightmare that has decided to continue on and on and on.
I love you so much that whenever I even think of you tears start flowing and at times I literally have to hide my face to prevent the response from the on lookers. I am a brave dad coz I refuse to die and refuse to give up in the hope that some day I will get to meet you and hug you and tell you how much I love you.
Today 5th of jan is Yogananda Paramhansa’s birthday and instead of giving him a gift I have again asked him for a gift that is the gift of life for dying man : to get his family back.
Your mom, it seems has closed all doors for any reconnection with her estranged husband but you dad is not giving up and will keep trying till his last breaths.
Well your caps (muku’s green one and mouli’s red one) give me real comfort and instantly make me feel as if holding your delicate hands , even your mummie’s black shawl does the same job, these are the only things left here at karol bagh through which I connect with you people.
I really miss you very much and its only a miracle and the grace of great yogi’s like Paramhansji and Sri Aurobindo and all my spiritual experiments like meditation that I am still alive.
I will wait for you all. Love you forever

happy new year muku mouli bulli and all

hi bulli this is mail written to dada bhai in the hope that it would rach you so that i cut my feelings across.i am not comfortable here in delhi without my family and slowly i am disssolving inside. i want to do waht any father wants to do for his children and i will pay for all there expenses and i will ask my advocate to convey this to you advocate on the next hearing, i believe he had conveyed that i wanted to give 15,ooo rs per month and you know that all my insurance savings are also for my children and you and i will give it in written.
please speak with me and please allow me to speak with my kids , i am begging you.
Hi dada bhai,
End of the year, but no endings of sorrow in our house where the people from whom the happiness got its definition are not there.
I cant even talk to my family even to wish them new year’s greetings, I hope you will convey to bulli that I am really missing her and my kids. Bulli must know that I am willing to take full responsibility of children and all their needs should be fulfilled. Please tell her to talk to me and please allow the kids to at least talk to me so that their voice could replenish my dying inner self.
All this situation is becoming so complex, these court proceedings, filing of affidavits and objections and so on, I am just missing my time with my family, plain and simply I am just dragging my soul all alone here in delhi hoping for reuniting with them.
Please ask bulli to at least make me speak with kids so that I could wish them a akk the happiness in the coming year.
That swine flu patient, 15 year old boy, recovered and was discharged from the hospital yesterday, in the process of his management even I got affected by the h1n1 virus but unfortunately I recovered simply by the tamiuflu tablets although I was hoping that god would relieve finally. Irony of the situation that my name was recommended to the health minister for the exemplary services as I stayed on for that child, till late in hospital when most of the doctors were scared to even visit the ward. His parents thanked me for returning their jewel back BUT who will know what propelled me to take that decision of 24X7 duty in swine flu ward , anyways that child is back with his family and I am happy for him and I wil do the same for any other patient but I am missing my family too much and want bulli to realize this and I am also
Willing to take full financial responsibility of their upbringing, but how to put it across her when I am not even allowed to speak to her. I want to do so many things for them but HOW? How should I let bulli know that I am living for them only and how to get my feelings across her? I just want to speak to my babies, please please please tell her to at least give them the phone for just 5 minutes , I just want to hear their voices. I am not going to harm them by speaking to them and I promise I wont even make them feel uncomfortable in ways and take care that they don’t get disturbed emotionally, I know my children they must be missing them and I know bulli also , she also must be missing me but just tell her that It is very difficult to live on like this when all the time you are thinking of your family and cant even speak to them.
Please god, please make my feelings reach her heart and please have mercy,
Happiness of the new year will be awaited in this house and in my heart.
Happy new Year to all

hi dada bhai

Hi dada bhai,
After a long time barnali wrote a mail and I opened it with so much anticipation, just like a small child opening his birthday present.
It is fully justified, the anger and frustration, which barnali must be harbouring and had I been in her position I would have probably reacted in a similar way but the big issue is that besides me no other soul would ever come to know or even realize that whatever happened was such a complex issue that even I, while trying to retrospect find it very puzzling as to the way I was handling that situation.
Barnali had asked me a question as to what will I do with all my money? In her shoes I would have asked even a better question – why am I still living and why do get I up every morning?
Giving a lot of consideration to the above issues I have decided to drag along with my miserable life with the hope that one day I will get to hold my family back and that’s what is keeping me alive.
“Drug abusing pseudo mothers” imagine what kind of hellish situation I would have been undergoing handling that complex issue. Just imagine, would any sane person be enjoying in that situation. It was such a nightmare and with my idealistic philosophy, and gripped in fear, wanted to soothe out the things and putting the simple facts in order that family comes first and that the child needs his parents more than anything else and see where does it led me to –not being able to even speak to my own kids for nearly 6 months.
“My abnormal lifestyle” that bulli wants to shield my children from. Muku and mouli are my life’s rhythm if their mother feels this about their dad then God should not allow me to even see the next daylight.
Please convey to her that all that I have apparently amassed is all hers and for my children and all that I am living for is for my family only. Even before she embarked on legal journey I had asked her to tell me where I should send the cheques and the next thing I received was the legal notice with the interim order barring me from all forms of communication.
So far I have been to Bangalore five time and spent 1.25 lakh rupees which could have been used for the kids and the family. Desperately I tried for mediation but failed. All that I have wanted to tell her was to give me my life back by taking back what she left behind at delhi that is her stupid husband.
Legal proceeding are on and the advocates are doing their job of protecting their client’s interests but what about the interests of a broken family and weeping hearts and a father’s craving for seeing his children and a husband’s soul which is ever trying to reconnect with his soul mate. Can any court decide about all these issues. Can the advocates compensate for that time I have not seen my kids. Impatience is a very inferior word that bulli used to project my feelings – its like burning in hell, not to be around your family for some silly cause which isn’t even there and to go to a place 1700 km away where my family is staying and to stand on the streets and bus-stands and wish for instant release d from the miseries. More than a nightmare to see bulli and baba just feets away and not even talk to them.
Bulli says that she is following the court’s proceedings to assess my mindset. For what ? , all this assessment for what? it is like asking water whether it wishes to quench the thirst or not ? My whole life is for my family.
Sand castle which bulli built , she says that waves took them away but the little home that I was building, I am just trying to hold on to its foundations and strengthening them with my prayers and tears. My intentions and mindset can never be assessed in the court as it is legal front and the domain of advocates.
Absurd to think that as father I don’t want to provide for my children . what am I living for and for whom I am earning, not to collect money for some fancy parties or frolicking with pseudo people. I have repeatedly pledged that she can take it from in writing that will give to her my entire salary for my entire life.
There is no gang of i.v dug abusing pseudo-mothers and I simply go to that hospital and come back to a house to be haunted by the emptiness and stay wide awake talking to photos of muku , mouli and barnali and keep arranging their stuff and put a pillow on the bulli’s side of the bed and just pray to god to please let me be with family at least in the dreams and very often I get up shaken , realizing that it was only a dream where I was sipping tea with bulli or playing with my angels, then I sit in front of her almirah where I have kept a chair covered by her shawl and made a meditation seat and just try to communicate with her in the middle of the night. I have started to do meditation in her corner and it really gives me strength to hold on. I keep writing on the blog and keep talking to them in my thoughts. I think bulli is right my lifestyle is surely absurd. Today I have taken out muku and mouli’s woolen caps and I keep wearing them one by one and strangely it brings a lot of comfort.
Well dada bhai, I would like you to help me professionally as a strategic planner and a management guru.
Rather than the court deciding about the amount of money I should give to bulli in order to prove my intentions as a caring father and caring husband I would like you to assess the financial situation and decide it. Rather than wasting the money in my futile trips to Bangalore I would like that hard earned money to be utilized for the children. My whole existence has become a burden on self and if I don’t get the feeling that I am doing something for my family I am certain that I will fall ill very soon and slowly wither away, already signs of my decreasing immunity to common ailments have become manifest and unless my share for my family reaches them i am soon going to lose even the will to survive and strive for my daily bread.
In the next hearing my advocate is going to file objections to the buli’s advocate’s memo and the things will run their own course but it just doesn’t make any sense to me all this court room fiasco . things have to be decided between me and bulli and I want to take full responsibility of my children to the best of my abilities, and if bulli also wants it to be so than why all this legal tussle.
Here are certain hard facts on which you could develop the plan .
My gross salary is 55,000 Rs per month
The in-hand salary after the tax deduction at source after the maximum allowed savings of one lakh 10 thousand Rs per year, is about 47,000 Rs per month
Which means I have to save about 11,000 Rs per month which goes in insurance and ppf of which bulli is the nominee
That leaves around 36,000 Rs per month
For the monthly basic expenditure for the house which includes the bill for telephone, internet, newspaper, electricity, water, chowkidar, car petrol, milkman, maid etc ( bare minimum just to survive in the most ordinary way is approximately 12 to 13,000 Rs
That leaves me with 23,000 Rs.
Out of this you decide how should I I take out the money to sponsor my Bangalore trips and the advocates fees and the maintenance money.
my each trip to bangalore costs a minimum of 14,000 Rs
I can pay 12,000 Rs to bulli every month which leaves me with 11,000 Rs and that too I would be saving for the children only or utilize for my trips to Bangalore.
As for bulli’s knowledge , I am not having any other souces of income as was mentioned in the affidavit, I have a savings bank account in bank of baroda where my salary is deposited by ECS and about 3 years back when there was a lot of craze in the market I bought 3 mutual funds for the first time in my life worth 30,000 RS which are blocked for 3 years. My after the duty hour cases have also dwindled away in the last 3-4 months partly because I am not too keen in making such an effort when the people for whom I was doing all that are not even there to talk to me and partly for the reason that it involves too much of concentration in the high risk field like anesthesia and with my current state of mind I had certain very narrow escapes and simply I don’t want to continue with that type of risky lifestyle. So whatever I have is very clearly in front of you and cant overemphasize on the point that my commitment for my family, my little angels stands firm till my last breath and to the best of my abilities and it’s up to bulli to decide what she wants to do with me.
Please ask bulli to pray to lord to bring an end to my sufferings coz its not possible for me to stop thinking about my kids or stop thinking about reuniting with her at this time and all time to come in the rest of my life. Neither can I opt for the easy way for that is not my philosophy so I will keep on praying to almighty to take care of my family and keep them in good health and cheers for all time to come and please allow me to contribute my share in the upbringing of my children to the best of abilities.
My little angels – I really love you and when you grow up you might realize that your dad was actually not such a bad guy after all and there was no need for anyone to have shielded you from my so called absurd lifestyle.
God bless you all.

An Appeal from a weeping heart

Please tell my kids that I am really missing them on this day and just like any other day over the last five and a half months. It’s like going through the ordeal of a concentration camp, where you can’t even speak to your loved ones. I have no means of communication with bulli except through the thoughts and feelings which are always trying to form some sort of a connection.

There is no point in elaborating the trauma of this separation coz it seems very clear to me that I stand absolutely alone, holding on, to the singular purpose of getting my family back.

My each heart beat and each breath is dedicated to my little angels and I am sure that in the depths of her heart barnali knows that what kind of ideology and philosophy, her once beloved husband holds on to and how much he has craved to be cared for, by her.

Please let my kids know that their father loves them like crazy. Merry Christmas

Swine Flu sentiments

Dearest wife, you will be glad to know that I have volunteered for looking after the H1N1 critical care- a make shift set up for the severe ARDS patients with swine flu.
It was a very funny situation indeed when a young boy with severe ARDS got admitted in our hospital , none of the specialists dared to even visit the patient, half of them saying that that they have children at home. I had a big laugh coz it never occurred to me that even I had little children with whom I can’t even speak because of a court’s order restraining to do that on the request of my wife. Anyways as you know me, I decided to give that child my best of efforts and I accepted the responsibility. After 5 days of critical events yesterday I got him off paralysis and gave him a T-piece trial with spontaneous breathing and you should have looked at the joy in his parent’s eyes. His mother who was constantly praying outside couldn’t control her tears while talking to him. Well today is a crucial day for him coz he has developed fever again and the possibility of a nasty nosocomial infection caused by a stupid MDR bug is still there and his life hinges on it.
Well every event in this cosmos is linked with each other as my spiritual trail has taught me – who knows, that my power of understanding the emotions and pains of the other person and my over indulgence in the critical care might after all have a meaning and I might actually be able to serve as a useful tool for the almighty in getting that 15 year old boy back to his parents. Don’t they say something about the higher purpose in life and didn’t you mention about the true satisfaction which our profession offers.
There might be something for you as well if I get H!N! ARDS then you can get all the insurance money!
Just one request- do tell my little angels that I really miss them a lot and they are the most precious for me forever and ever and there is nothing on this earth more desirable than to be able to hold them in my arms and to be reunited with my family again.
Take care

Swine Flu sentiments

Dearest wife, you will be glad to know that I have volunteered for looking after the H1N1 critical care- a make shift set up for the severe ARDS patients with swine flu.
It was a very funny situation indeed when a young boy with severe ARDS got admitted in our hospital , none of the specialists dared to even visit the patient, half of them saying that that they have children at home. I had a big laugh coz it never occurred to me that even I had little children with whom I can’t even speak because of a court’s order restraining to do that on the request of my wife. Anyways as you know me, I decided to give that child my best of efforts and I accepted the responsibility. After 5 days of critical events yesterday I got him off paralysis and gave him a T-piece trial with spontaneous breathing and you should have looked at the joy in his parent’s eyes. His mother who was constantly praying outside couldn’t control her tears while talking to him. Well today is a crucial day for him coz he has developed fever again and the possibility of a nasty nosocomial infection caused by a stupid MDR bug is still there and his life hinges on it.
Well every event in this cosmos is linked with each other as my spiritual trail has taught me – who knows, that my power of understanding the emotions and pains of the other person and my over indulgence in the critical care might after all have a meaning and I might actually be able to serve as a useful tool for the almighty in getting that 15 year old boy back to his parents. Don’t they say something about the higher purpose in life and didn’t you mention about the true satisfaction which our profession offers.
There might be something for you as well if I get H!N! ARDS then you can get all the insurance money!
Just one request- do tell my little angels that I really miss them a lot and they are the most precious for me forever and ever and there is nothing on this earth more desirable than to be able to hold them in my arms and to be reunited with my family again.
Take care

Dearest angels

Dearest little angels,
Today I am missing you so much that I simply cant stop thinking about you , the sweet voice of my darling mouli and the funny faces and the brilliant jokes and pranks of super darling muku – god its such a punishment to stay alive for even a day without seeing you both. The only hope that is keeping me alive is that one day I will be able to see you and hug you and ytell you that I love you so so much. I must be the unluckiest of all the dads on this planet who cant even talk to his daughters eventhough he only dreams of just one thing and that is to take you in his arms and to shower you with all the affection possible you two were my real heartbeats and the inspiration for me to live on amidst the all the chaos and your mother knows this very well that I cant live without you and the only punishment she could think of was to take you away from me so that I feel the pain every second that I live from there on.
Dear babies, your mom is not aware of the fact that the purpose of my life is to live for you folks and there is no other purpose in remaining alive on this stupid earth and I realy loved your mom and I am desperate to see my family reunited again.
Your mom had asked for twenty thousand rupees per month out of my in-hand salary of 46,000 rupees for maintenance. Please tell her that she is staying 17,00 km away from me and to travel from Delhi to Bangalore it takes a minimum of 14,000 rupees for airfare and hotel expenses even if I stay in the cheapest of the lodges in the Bangalore and have my meals on the footpath. She also needs to be reminded that the the insurance policies of which only she is the nominee, I have to pay around 11,00 0 rupees. You mom has always been poor in mathematics and especially when it come housonomics . Please tell her that I want to take care of your education and all the other needs as I had always been doing before she left for Bangalore. all the money y that is there with me is all for you two and I will make sure that your future is secured please tell your mom that with my current salary she can take 12,000 rupees which can take care of your education and 4,000 each I can deposit in the ongoing recurring deposits that I already have in your names and she can take the receipt every month.
I had pledged your mom to forget about the past and make a fresh beginning so that we can give our children the best and also suggested to her that she can take whole of my salary and be the lady of the house and just give me the pocket money every month.
Each day I sit in your mom’s meditation corner and pray to almighty hoping that my voice will someday reach her heart and she will realize that a father’s soul is being put to the harshest of endurance test by asking the dad to live forcibly without even listening to his heart beat that is you two.
My angels ----you dad will never let you down
You motu papa

DOWNLOADING GOD

Dearest Koochi,
Referring you by this nick name propels me in to a fantasy world where the two hearts were in perfect synchronization and used to beat in rhythm. Where is that world? It’s been five months that you have been away from me along with my most precious daughters and I am surviving each day like a dream- a bad dream , waiting for it get over.
You cheated on me: you were seeking spiritual guidance from the enlightened souls like Yogananda Paramhansa, Sri Aurobindo, and Lord Buddha himself. You used to meditate and seek silent peace and harmony in your corner in front of your almirah while I used to play loud music and struggled with futile desires of collection of music and stupid movies, never once you tried initiating me in to your mystic world of serenity and spirituality. You even went to satsangs and yogoda and I used to criticize you and mummy for adopting such paths which I felt were meant for the weaker beings.
But and not a just a simple BUT, in fact what can be called as a POWER OF TIME and Destiny’s footfalls I had to come to HIS HOUSE , to kneel in front of HIM , to seek his approval---- to know the answers I had to download GOD and since last two months or so my quest for his grace lead me utilize my old buddy , my computer to aid me in finding the answers.
Somehow and somewhat foolishly but yet with profound humility I feel indebted to destiny for creating such an environment for me where all the variables and all this shock of unbearable pain of separation from my loved ones lead me to this sacred path finally.
First thing that I realized was that my approach was mammothly wrong when kutum left us, that feeling of a void would have been similar for you as I feel all these days and my approach was to make you come out of that sadness by immersing yourself in this mayajaal, but when it came over me I instantly realized that the approach was wrong and this cosmic illusion , all this worldly wisdom and scenic beauties and all the mortal pleasures all together can’t even give you even a seconds comfort and solace and all that want is to go back in time and undo the things which separated you from your loved ones. That’s what the true treasure of our lives is and that’s where the real happiness lies, that is in the hearts of your loved ones and the ordinary day infused with their presence and voices.
The first book that I picked up was the Autobiography of a Yogi. Then the stage was set and I read Man’s Eternal Quest and then Divine Romance and then Journey to Self Realization and then many others I made friends with. Then I picked up the book written by MOTHER –Question and Answers. I looked in your corner and found several of your favorite books stacked and tried finding answers in them. Then I searched the whole house for the books which you bought and found the POWER OF THOUGHT, Awaken the MIND and the Synthesis of yoga by Sri Aurobindo.
Well my quest for the answers will continue and my journey to self realization is well begun and it gives me a lot of peace and strength to wait patiently for my loved ones to come back and sooth my aching heart.

my life has become a prayer

Dearest wife and my little angels
I am still alive, it is a mystery in itself coz 5 months earlier even a fragment of such a thought would have surely convulsed me in the remotest of my dreams.
Don’t know what you perceive of my mental state or whether it even matters to you that I am still living or dead but for me you people are and will always remain everything. My little daughters mean more to me than any other thing or person or desire which an ordinary mortal can conceive in his minds vestibules. Ever since you have gone every day is like a struggle – to carry on simply living or more precisely not to die. Don’t worry because I am not a fool to adopt the easy way because I am well aware that if I exit midway with my heart and soul with unfulfilled desires of seeing my kids and wife and letting them know how much I love them and how my life was woven in the fabric of their love, I will never attain even entering the worst fires of hell leave aside nirvana.
Well it is a strange thing indeed, why you left and why you don’t even talk to me or let me even speak with the kids? Surely you must be having a very logical explanation and justification for what you have decided and must be thinking in terms of benefits for the kids but tell me one thing. Is it possible for even an animal to let go of his offspring’s, just simply forget about them, each day is like a punishment. What is there left for me to think forward to in life, for whom shall I get up in the morning and go to work, for who shall I simply live on.
Well the legal proceedings are on and I am not supposed to communicate with you and strangely the father finds himself barred from even seeing his kids or even talk to them on phone, must be a devil of a father who will eat up his kids even on telephone or curse them by looking at them . Surely I must be that hell raised devil who will bring a thousand curses on everything I call my own and surely I must be deserving all this punishment of the severest kinds. Thank you God for what you have given me.
You snatched away everything from me, everything that I called my own and everything for which I wanted to live for. But still I will carry on living till you realize the truth that I really loved you and it was only your love and affection that I desired from the core the core of my heart and my children are the most precious for me and I will do everything for them till the last breath of my life even if I am unable to speak with them I do connect with them via my constant prayers and thoughts, thoughts which will protect them, nourish them and help them to grow up as their father’s daughters. I will also pray for your well being and happiness and May god fill your life with bliss so that you transmit that bliss in our children’s lives. My prayers are also for giving you the strength to sustain your fight against what you consider as evil and I pray from my heart that you get all the spirit and strength to let you carry on this battle as a lady with whom I fell in love with and have a lot of faith in her integrity and self esteem and simply whom I have always considered as part of my own blood and flesh. And so I have a good reason to carry on living – to pray, to kneel down in front of HIS altar, to ask him to give me strength to sustain this punishment with humility, for one day the TRUTH shall WIN and my soul will revive when again I will be able to sing our favorite song to you-“look into my eyes” and on that day I will be alive again.

dearst muku and mouli

a very happy children's day
Children's day is celebrated in India on the 14th of November, the birthday of India's first Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru, as a tribute to his love of children.he liked roses and children.He was very fond of children and he use to do anything for children.
the above photo was made by a 9 year old boy named puru, for google site and he won an award on childrens day. i am sure muku mouli wud have made a better one

i am sure that my lovely angels must have made some great lloking art work in there school on this special day. do tell me what all happened as here in delhi i can only imagine what you people are doing and just keep missing you and thats all i do day after day after day.
your papa realy loves you and miss you so so so much.
god bless you and may he fills your life with all the happiness in this world.

"Don’t draw conclusions until you know all the facts".

One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train. Train is about to leave the station. All passengers are settling down their seat.

As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side. He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind".

Old man smile and admired son feelings. Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between father and son.

They were little awkward with the attitude of 25 years old man behaving like a small child. Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with train".

Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly. Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the young man's hand. He filled with joy and he closed the eyes.

He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa".

Couple couldn't help themselves and ask the old man. "Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treatment for your son."

Old man said, “Yes, We are coming from the hospital as Today my son got his eye sight for first time in his life".

happy birthday bulli

no need to say that i am missing you on this very special day but still my soul wont find solace if i dont cry out loud into the skies as i watch that star thru which we used to communicate years back. a very happy birthday and may god give you all that which will realy be beneficial for you for the life ahead. hope you have a good time with our daughters and hope that that willl enjoy this special moment with you like never before.
take care and god bless you all
your sunny

birthday month

dearest muku and mouli and bullithis month, for the last 16 odd years i have thought of celebrating my koochi's birhtday in some or the other unique way, nobody can imagine the sorrow in my heart when i think of the unfortunate situation i find myself this year, not even being able to communicate with you folks. But still as world prepares to make a beautifull case of my life i will sit down and prepare yet another beautifull birthday present for my one and only heart throb - my koochi
as victor frankl mentioned in his great book - man's search for meaning " nobody can take away one's attitude which he adopts in any situation be it the most life threatening moment " i have chosen mine coz i know in the depth my heart what you people mean to me and no law can take away my feelings for you even if i die.
happy birhtday koochi waiting for tenth of november when you will turn 36 exactly half of your life you would have spent with me

missing you like crazy

hi muku mouli bulli,
i miss you all so much that cant be expressed words, it feels like i am not alive anymore. most of the time i dont know what i am doing - self talking and hallucinating and imagening that all of you are there in the house in the other room, i can hear your voices and and jsut feel like calling you people as if you were there next to me. the moment i go out of the house every thing and every place reminds me of you and it is very very very painfull to find myself all alone and at night this feeling of loneliness turns into somekind of intense fear and i have to put the lights on thruout the night coz otherwise i cant sleep,
i know i cant do anything about it coz it's not in my hands to bring you people back but i am not loosing my faith in god - i will meet you some day and then you would realize that all that i have been telling you was not a lie but plain truth.

happy diwali

Today in I had an early morning dream, a dream that I would like to die for and never wake up from but unfortunately it was a dream only.
I was there with you in a park and you were sitting on a long rest chair and I was holding your hands sitting beside you on the ground and asking for a smile and you yielded after sometime and gave me the best smile ever and then came running muku and mouli and they hugged me and started their chirpy stories and it was as if I was in paradise but suddenly my eyes opened and found myself alone in the room.
Well I pray to lord to dissolve me in that dream and next time if that dream comes, never to wake me up from that dream.
I am missing you all very much.
Wish you all a very happy diwali, wish you all the happiness in this world and may almighty keep you healthy and happy always.
God bless you muku mouli , may all the happiness flow into your little hands and let all the world feel your magical presence wherever you go and enlighten there world with your smiles.

dearest bulli

Every day I get up hoping that the bad dream would have ended but only to find that my loved ones are not there. Tears fill up my eyes as I feel the emptiness around me but there is no one to wipe them off. My heart starts beating faster as the feeling sinks in that my folks are 1700 km away and I can’t even speak to them.
Wish some magic would bring everything back to normal and I could manifest my realizations into our relation. I keep thinking of so many things that I could have done to make you feel secure and warm and could have saved our family from this catastrophe.
Everywhere I see I feel that there is an opportunity to convert in happiness by sharing its joy together with you, simply watching the fishes in the aquarium or taking a walk on the crowded streets of karol bagh could mean so much to me if you were there. Going to buy grocery or clothes or simply going to cannought place could give so much of pleasure.
Every festival has gone dry in this house and the same is going to happen on this diwali with my soul engulfed in darkness of sorrow and repentance for something which occurred because of my fault.
I pray to almighty that with his blessings he keeps my family safe and healthy, that he keeps my children smiling and chirping with joy always and that he keeps my koochi on content and happy.
Love you all always and forever

Dear Muku & Mouli

Hi Muku & Mouli,
Wanted to share an interesting fact with you.
Did you know the distance between Bangalore and Delhi is 1743 km.
If I decide to walk from delhi to Bangalore how much time I will take?
Ans: as you know that I am your motu papa so I can only walk not faster than 5 km per hour that means 1743 divided by 5 that is 349 hours
In one day there are 24 hours , so 349 hours means 349 divide by 24 that is about 15 days. Now I can’t keep walking all the day as I will have to sleep also and go take bath and eat food also that means I will have 12 hours at the most in aday to walk so I will need double the calculated days which come out to be 30 days or simply one full month.
Now that is some walking ! I think I should use a rail or an airplane which takes just 2 and a half hour, isn’t that amazing
Well if I do walk that much I will become patlu papa from motu papa

dear muku & mouli

my darling daughters,
i was so thrilled to see your message, muku bete i will get your music notebook next time i come to banagalore. you tell me more about the subject that you want to learn so that i can find something good for you. all the time i keep thinking of you all and i miss you vey much. keep up with your hobbies and studies and also give some time to reading books, your mummy knows about so many books for children. i remember the day when mouli and i went to market and suddenly she read a sign-board and i was so thrilled that my little fairy has started reading.
muku you are already an expert in reading and i think you should start reading story books now which will increase your vocabulary and also your general knowledge so that you can again win prizes like the one got at anchal's house.
love you
papa
motu papa is trying to get patla

dear muku & mouli

Story of little muniyaDear muku & mouli,
An amazing thing happened today as I reached the hospital late as usual, I took up the rear gate to reach the operation theater quickly. Near the parking complex I found a little girl about 3-4 years old crying and there was a very dirty man standing next to her scolding her. I just asked him – why is she crying? He told me that she is lost and and she is constantly saying mummy mummy. I asked the little liitle girl what was her name and she said MUNIYA and also told me that her mother’s name was nirmala and her papa’s name was bunty. I asked her – is your mummy ill and she said that her mummy had a got little doll in her tummy. I was so surprised to hear this as she was a such a small girl. I immediately took the little girl to the ward where they treat the mothers and little babies to my surprise I found that woman Nirmala lying on the bed without anyone near her. I asked her where was her muniya and she immidaitely started looking for her , then I told her that nothing to worry as muniya was with me and she was so happy to see her muniya and thanked me for getting her child back. I gave her some money to buy biscuits for the little child and take care of her so that she doesn’t get lost again.
Muniya was lucky that she found her mother .-
moral of the story is -that you should never go out of the house without letting your mother know about it and same thing in the school also and you must never start speaking to the strangers or accept gifts or toffees from them. I hope you remember the story of LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.
God Bless you my little Dolls . take care of each other when you are playing outside the house and also in the school. Muku, you being the elder one must always take care of little mouli that she is not bullied by the other kids in the school and also of each others belongings.
Take care – love you always.
papa

muku bete

Hi muku bête,
You told me that you saw a huge shiva murti , I just came across one myself surfing on the net . tell me is that the same murti ?
I am praying constantly for all of you. God is great and I am sure that with blessings of almighty you ,mouli and your mummy will sail through the difficult times easily .
I know you are a brilliant child and whatever you read and study you can master easily just like the mathematic sums which you solve just like a computer. I hope that you and mouli must have made a lot of friends and you must go out and play with your friends. Now that you are old enough I think you should start playing games like badminton. I always wanted to play badminton with you .
Also teach mouli whatever new things you learn.
Love you bête you are always there in my heart .
Your motu papa

mouli bete

hi mouli
how is my little fairy doing?
must have grown up and become very tall and strong.

i remember your sweet poem which you sang with such divine melody.

row, row, row you boat, gently down the stream
merily, merily, merily, merily, life is but a dream

sona babu ilove you very much just listen to mummy and do your homework and reading and writing and also tell me about the new games that you play with your sister and mummy.
love you my little fairy

muku bete

Hi muku bête
Was just remembering you tricks with the strings and how beautifull were all those amazing things that you made like Jacob’s ladder.
Do keep up with your amazing hobby and the enthusiasm with which you pick up new games and tricks.
You are simply amazing and you papa really loves you very much.
Are you taking your milk and meals properly because it is very important for a growing girl like you.
Take care and give my love to mouli and mummy.

Dearest Wife

Dearest wife,

Today I am sitting in front my p.c. for the Nth time and wondering how my life has been spent almost in futility when I see this vast emptiness and a giant void surrounding me when you and my darling daughters are not there with me.

Well this computer has been my recluse since many years and I have downloaded articles, books to make hundreds of presentations, downloaded thousands of movies and music albums and over the last month I have called upon its mysterious power to help me get my spiritual answers as to what is goal of my life if you and my daughters are not there to share this eternal drama of life together.
In my quest for answers I came across a wonderful book “Peace, Power, and Presence - Jonathan Evatt”
Quote from the book

“One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structures of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day”
Today is that day when all the ladies would be praying for the long life of their husbands and you also used to keep a Fast for my long life, I am not writing this in order to remind you but it just echoes in my heart the love that you had for me, the will to go on without even having a glass of water for the whole day- it just reminds me of my being so unfortunate to not have the person besides me who truly loved me so much and the only person to be blamed is me myself.

I am missing you very much and there is nothing that i can do to let you know how much I love you except for typing on this ages old keyboard and hoping that through some mysterious power hidden within its complex circuits my true feeling for you could reach your heart.
Love you always -sunny

mouli bete

Hello Mouli bête,
How is my little fairy? I love you mouli bête and I miss your chirping and little hands which I used to hold when i wanted some power.
Mouli bête are you eating your meals and drinking you horlik milk. Papa realy wants you to be strong like a tiger and wants you to be tall as a giraffe and wants you to be fast as a cheetah. Papa really wants you to be so strong that you can take care of you muku didi and your mummy.
Mouli bête are doing you prayers which you were so fond of and all those mantras which you know so well. God listens very fast to such beautiful little fairies.
I will write again and you also tell me the names of your new friends and tell about the new things you have learnt and your favourite television show.
Love you always.
Your motu papa

muku bete

Hello Muku bête,
My darling daughter, I miss you very much and each day every hour and every minute I am thinking of you and your little sister mouli.
How are you doing at the school, in the new house, with new friends and in a new city ? I am sure my brave girl would be doing very well in her studies and eating well and sleeping in time and listening to her mummy.
Bête your papa wants you to be brave and wants you to be the best in the whole world and for this you need to listen to your elders and respect there advice.
Do you remember the fairy tale of the good queen and the bad queen which I used to tell before you went to sleep, well here is one secret I want to tell you that if you pray to god every morning and before sleeping that GOD give me a lot of strength and wisdom so that when a question comes I am able to answer it correctly.
Are you practicing your music riyaas , I really miss that and your beautiful voice is just like a prayer in itself.
God bless you . do write back and give my love to little mouli and your mummy and everybody.
I will write again
Your motu papa

Bulli,
Over the last few days there has been significant changes in the way I look at the things, may be the perspective which was so blatantly emphasized is finally taking a pure shape. I really don’t know what to say to you because whatever I have said to you in the past has only taken you further away from me.
“In great sufferings there are hidden great lessons” was written in a book which I bought in the hope of getting the answers . answers which my soul is desperately searching for in order to explain to me that whatever is happening is my own KARMIC EQUATION..
Well again I have started imposing my point of view on you. There are so many books and articles I have read on spirituality inorder to find the answers and almost all of them give a subtle hint towards the atate of blindness in which I was living in so far and the way I had veiled my soul from the true light which I can see clearly in your pooja corner which must have penetrated you in depth for I truly believe that you were on the correct path always.
Repenting for not having you near me in my time of turmoil.
Your blameworthy sunny

fight against FAT

at times it just feels a bit too spongy and soggy, coz it's all about that additional burden of fat cells which linger on and drag along ! motivation is the key : Hey what did you say; moti ko vacation de do yes that's right go on a vacation and take a good break and shed that filthy frothy fat off your corners.

hey guess what's this, who's afraid

of facing them anyways, any guesses

you got it right: our friendly, behind

the scene knights : anaesthetists

who will pass the gas today

Anaesthetist's Bonanza

LITTTLE WONDERS

APPLE OF OUR EYE