my life has become a prayer

Dearest wife and my little angels
I am still alive, it is a mystery in itself coz 5 months earlier even a fragment of such a thought would have surely convulsed me in the remotest of my dreams.
Don’t know what you perceive of my mental state or whether it even matters to you that I am still living or dead but for me you people are and will always remain everything. My little daughters mean more to me than any other thing or person or desire which an ordinary mortal can conceive in his minds vestibules. Ever since you have gone every day is like a struggle – to carry on simply living or more precisely not to die. Don’t worry because I am not a fool to adopt the easy way because I am well aware that if I exit midway with my heart and soul with unfulfilled desires of seeing my kids and wife and letting them know how much I love them and how my life was woven in the fabric of their love, I will never attain even entering the worst fires of hell leave aside nirvana.
Well it is a strange thing indeed, why you left and why you don’t even talk to me or let me even speak with the kids? Surely you must be having a very logical explanation and justification for what you have decided and must be thinking in terms of benefits for the kids but tell me one thing. Is it possible for even an animal to let go of his offspring’s, just simply forget about them, each day is like a punishment. What is there left for me to think forward to in life, for whom shall I get up in the morning and go to work, for who shall I simply live on.
Well the legal proceedings are on and I am not supposed to communicate with you and strangely the father finds himself barred from even seeing his kids or even talk to them on phone, must be a devil of a father who will eat up his kids even on telephone or curse them by looking at them . Surely I must be that hell raised devil who will bring a thousand curses on everything I call my own and surely I must be deserving all this punishment of the severest kinds. Thank you God for what you have given me.
You snatched away everything from me, everything that I called my own and everything for which I wanted to live for. But still I will carry on living till you realize the truth that I really loved you and it was only your love and affection that I desired from the core the core of my heart and my children are the most precious for me and I will do everything for them till the last breath of my life even if I am unable to speak with them I do connect with them via my constant prayers and thoughts, thoughts which will protect them, nourish them and help them to grow up as their father’s daughters. I will also pray for your well being and happiness and May god fill your life with bliss so that you transmit that bliss in our children’s lives. My prayers are also for giving you the strength to sustain your fight against what you consider as evil and I pray from my heart that you get all the spirit and strength to let you carry on this battle as a lady with whom I fell in love with and have a lot of faith in her integrity and self esteem and simply whom I have always considered as part of my own blood and flesh. And so I have a good reason to carry on living – to pray, to kneel down in front of HIS altar, to ask him to give me strength to sustain this punishment with humility, for one day the TRUTH shall WIN and my soul will revive when again I will be able to sing our favorite song to you-“look into my eyes” and on that day I will be alive again.

dearst muku and mouli

a very happy children's day
Children's day is celebrated in India on the 14th of November, the birthday of India's first Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru, as a tribute to his love of children.he liked roses and children.He was very fond of children and he use to do anything for children.
the above photo was made by a 9 year old boy named puru, for google site and he won an award on childrens day. i am sure muku mouli wud have made a better one

i am sure that my lovely angels must have made some great lloking art work in there school on this special day. do tell me what all happened as here in delhi i can only imagine what you people are doing and just keep missing you and thats all i do day after day after day.
your papa realy loves you and miss you so so so much.
god bless you and may he fills your life with all the happiness in this world.

"Don’t draw conclusions until you know all the facts".

One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train. Train is about to leave the station. All passengers are settling down their seat.

As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side. He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind".

Old man smile and admired son feelings. Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between father and son.

They were little awkward with the attitude of 25 years old man behaving like a small child. Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with train".

Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly. Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the young man's hand. He filled with joy and he closed the eyes.

He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa".

Couple couldn't help themselves and ask the old man. "Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treatment for your son."

Old man said, “Yes, We are coming from the hospital as Today my son got his eye sight for first time in his life".

happy birthday bulli

no need to say that i am missing you on this very special day but still my soul wont find solace if i dont cry out loud into the skies as i watch that star thru which we used to communicate years back. a very happy birthday and may god give you all that which will realy be beneficial for you for the life ahead. hope you have a good time with our daughters and hope that that willl enjoy this special moment with you like never before.
take care and god bless you all
your sunny

birthday month

dearest muku and mouli and bullithis month, for the last 16 odd years i have thought of celebrating my koochi's birhtday in some or the other unique way, nobody can imagine the sorrow in my heart when i think of the unfortunate situation i find myself this year, not even being able to communicate with you folks. But still as world prepares to make a beautifull case of my life i will sit down and prepare yet another beautifull birthday present for my one and only heart throb - my koochi
as victor frankl mentioned in his great book - man's search for meaning " nobody can take away one's attitude which he adopts in any situation be it the most life threatening moment " i have chosen mine coz i know in the depth my heart what you people mean to me and no law can take away my feelings for you even if i die.
happy birhtday koochi waiting for tenth of november when you will turn 36 exactly half of your life you would have spent with me