missing you like crazy

hi muku mouli bulli,
i miss you all so much that cant be expressed words, it feels like i am not alive anymore. most of the time i dont know what i am doing - self talking and hallucinating and imagening that all of you are there in the house in the other room, i can hear your voices and and jsut feel like calling you people as if you were there next to me. the moment i go out of the house every thing and every place reminds me of you and it is very very very painfull to find myself all alone and at night this feeling of loneliness turns into somekind of intense fear and i have to put the lights on thruout the night coz otherwise i cant sleep,
i know i cant do anything about it coz it's not in my hands to bring you people back but i am not loosing my faith in god - i will meet you some day and then you would realize that all that i have been telling you was not a lie but plain truth.

happy diwali

Today in I had an early morning dream, a dream that I would like to die for and never wake up from but unfortunately it was a dream only.
I was there with you in a park and you were sitting on a long rest chair and I was holding your hands sitting beside you on the ground and asking for a smile and you yielded after sometime and gave me the best smile ever and then came running muku and mouli and they hugged me and started their chirpy stories and it was as if I was in paradise but suddenly my eyes opened and found myself alone in the room.
Well I pray to lord to dissolve me in that dream and next time if that dream comes, never to wake me up from that dream.
I am missing you all very much.
Wish you all a very happy diwali, wish you all the happiness in this world and may almighty keep you healthy and happy always.
God bless you muku mouli , may all the happiness flow into your little hands and let all the world feel your magical presence wherever you go and enlighten there world with your smiles.

dearest bulli

Every day I get up hoping that the bad dream would have ended but only to find that my loved ones are not there. Tears fill up my eyes as I feel the emptiness around me but there is no one to wipe them off. My heart starts beating faster as the feeling sinks in that my folks are 1700 km away and I can’t even speak to them.
Wish some magic would bring everything back to normal and I could manifest my realizations into our relation. I keep thinking of so many things that I could have done to make you feel secure and warm and could have saved our family from this catastrophe.
Everywhere I see I feel that there is an opportunity to convert in happiness by sharing its joy together with you, simply watching the fishes in the aquarium or taking a walk on the crowded streets of karol bagh could mean so much to me if you were there. Going to buy grocery or clothes or simply going to cannought place could give so much of pleasure.
Every festival has gone dry in this house and the same is going to happen on this diwali with my soul engulfed in darkness of sorrow and repentance for something which occurred because of my fault.
I pray to almighty that with his blessings he keeps my family safe and healthy, that he keeps my children smiling and chirping with joy always and that he keeps my koochi on content and happy.
Love you all always and forever

Dear Muku & Mouli

Hi Muku & Mouli,
Wanted to share an interesting fact with you.
Did you know the distance between Bangalore and Delhi is 1743 km.
If I decide to walk from delhi to Bangalore how much time I will take?
Ans: as you know that I am your motu papa so I can only walk not faster than 5 km per hour that means 1743 divided by 5 that is 349 hours
In one day there are 24 hours , so 349 hours means 349 divide by 24 that is about 15 days. Now I can’t keep walking all the day as I will have to sleep also and go take bath and eat food also that means I will have 12 hours at the most in aday to walk so I will need double the calculated days which come out to be 30 days or simply one full month.
Now that is some walking ! I think I should use a rail or an airplane which takes just 2 and a half hour, isn’t that amazing
Well if I do walk that much I will become patlu papa from motu papa

dear muku & mouli

my darling daughters,
i was so thrilled to see your message, muku bete i will get your music notebook next time i come to banagalore. you tell me more about the subject that you want to learn so that i can find something good for you. all the time i keep thinking of you all and i miss you vey much. keep up with your hobbies and studies and also give some time to reading books, your mummy knows about so many books for children. i remember the day when mouli and i went to market and suddenly she read a sign-board and i was so thrilled that my little fairy has started reading.
muku you are already an expert in reading and i think you should start reading story books now which will increase your vocabulary and also your general knowledge so that you can again win prizes like the one got at anchal's house.
love you
papa
motu papa is trying to get patla

dear muku & mouli

Story of little muniyaDear muku & mouli,
An amazing thing happened today as I reached the hospital late as usual, I took up the rear gate to reach the operation theater quickly. Near the parking complex I found a little girl about 3-4 years old crying and there was a very dirty man standing next to her scolding her. I just asked him – why is she crying? He told me that she is lost and and she is constantly saying mummy mummy. I asked the little liitle girl what was her name and she said MUNIYA and also told me that her mother’s name was nirmala and her papa’s name was bunty. I asked her – is your mummy ill and she said that her mummy had a got little doll in her tummy. I was so surprised to hear this as she was a such a small girl. I immediately took the little girl to the ward where they treat the mothers and little babies to my surprise I found that woman Nirmala lying on the bed without anyone near her. I asked her where was her muniya and she immidaitely started looking for her , then I told her that nothing to worry as muniya was with me and she was so happy to see her muniya and thanked me for getting her child back. I gave her some money to buy biscuits for the little child and take care of her so that she doesn’t get lost again.
Muniya was lucky that she found her mother .-
moral of the story is -that you should never go out of the house without letting your mother know about it and same thing in the school also and you must never start speaking to the strangers or accept gifts or toffees from them. I hope you remember the story of LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.
God Bless you my little Dolls . take care of each other when you are playing outside the house and also in the school. Muku, you being the elder one must always take care of little mouli that she is not bullied by the other kids in the school and also of each others belongings.
Take care – love you always.
papa

muku bete

Hi muku bête,
You told me that you saw a huge shiva murti , I just came across one myself surfing on the net . tell me is that the same murti ?
I am praying constantly for all of you. God is great and I am sure that with blessings of almighty you ,mouli and your mummy will sail through the difficult times easily .
I know you are a brilliant child and whatever you read and study you can master easily just like the mathematic sums which you solve just like a computer. I hope that you and mouli must have made a lot of friends and you must go out and play with your friends. Now that you are old enough I think you should start playing games like badminton. I always wanted to play badminton with you .
Also teach mouli whatever new things you learn.
Love you bête you are always there in my heart .
Your motu papa

mouli bete

hi mouli
how is my little fairy doing?
must have grown up and become very tall and strong.

i remember your sweet poem which you sang with such divine melody.

row, row, row you boat, gently down the stream
merily, merily, merily, merily, life is but a dream

sona babu ilove you very much just listen to mummy and do your homework and reading and writing and also tell me about the new games that you play with your sister and mummy.
love you my little fairy

muku bete

Hi muku bête
Was just remembering you tricks with the strings and how beautifull were all those amazing things that you made like Jacob’s ladder.
Do keep up with your amazing hobby and the enthusiasm with which you pick up new games and tricks.
You are simply amazing and you papa really loves you very much.
Are you taking your milk and meals properly because it is very important for a growing girl like you.
Take care and give my love to mouli and mummy.

Dearest Wife

Dearest wife,

Today I am sitting in front my p.c. for the Nth time and wondering how my life has been spent almost in futility when I see this vast emptiness and a giant void surrounding me when you and my darling daughters are not there with me.

Well this computer has been my recluse since many years and I have downloaded articles, books to make hundreds of presentations, downloaded thousands of movies and music albums and over the last month I have called upon its mysterious power to help me get my spiritual answers as to what is goal of my life if you and my daughters are not there to share this eternal drama of life together.
In my quest for answers I came across a wonderful book “Peace, Power, and Presence - Jonathan Evatt”
Quote from the book

“One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structures of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day”
Today is that day when all the ladies would be praying for the long life of their husbands and you also used to keep a Fast for my long life, I am not writing this in order to remind you but it just echoes in my heart the love that you had for me, the will to go on without even having a glass of water for the whole day- it just reminds me of my being so unfortunate to not have the person besides me who truly loved me so much and the only person to be blamed is me myself.

I am missing you very much and there is nothing that i can do to let you know how much I love you except for typing on this ages old keyboard and hoping that through some mysterious power hidden within its complex circuits my true feeling for you could reach your heart.
Love you always -sunny

mouli bete

Hello Mouli bête,
How is my little fairy? I love you mouli bête and I miss your chirping and little hands which I used to hold when i wanted some power.
Mouli bête are you eating your meals and drinking you horlik milk. Papa realy wants you to be strong like a tiger and wants you to be tall as a giraffe and wants you to be fast as a cheetah. Papa really wants you to be so strong that you can take care of you muku didi and your mummy.
Mouli bête are doing you prayers which you were so fond of and all those mantras which you know so well. God listens very fast to such beautiful little fairies.
I will write again and you also tell me the names of your new friends and tell about the new things you have learnt and your favourite television show.
Love you always.
Your motu papa

muku bete

Hello Muku bête,
My darling daughter, I miss you very much and each day every hour and every minute I am thinking of you and your little sister mouli.
How are you doing at the school, in the new house, with new friends and in a new city ? I am sure my brave girl would be doing very well in her studies and eating well and sleeping in time and listening to her mummy.
Bête your papa wants you to be brave and wants you to be the best in the whole world and for this you need to listen to your elders and respect there advice.
Do you remember the fairy tale of the good queen and the bad queen which I used to tell before you went to sleep, well here is one secret I want to tell you that if you pray to god every morning and before sleeping that GOD give me a lot of strength and wisdom so that when a question comes I am able to answer it correctly.
Are you practicing your music riyaas , I really miss that and your beautiful voice is just like a prayer in itself.
God bless you . do write back and give my love to little mouli and your mummy and everybody.
I will write again
Your motu papa

Bulli,
Over the last few days there has been significant changes in the way I look at the things, may be the perspective which was so blatantly emphasized is finally taking a pure shape. I really don’t know what to say to you because whatever I have said to you in the past has only taken you further away from me.
“In great sufferings there are hidden great lessons” was written in a book which I bought in the hope of getting the answers . answers which my soul is desperately searching for in order to explain to me that whatever is happening is my own KARMIC EQUATION..
Well again I have started imposing my point of view on you. There are so many books and articles I have read on spirituality inorder to find the answers and almost all of them give a subtle hint towards the atate of blindness in which I was living in so far and the way I had veiled my soul from the true light which I can see clearly in your pooja corner which must have penetrated you in depth for I truly believe that you were on the correct path always.
Repenting for not having you near me in my time of turmoil.
Your blameworthy sunny